Old Guy – Version 2.1

I wrote last January, 2025:

Post retirement (old guy) reflection on my work as a photographer, created an itch I’ve been scratching, to curate and show the result of a dozen years. Still early on and skimpy. May take a year or so: http://www.brookemeyer.com

Almost January 2026: Nah! It’ll take a LOT longer! Just imagine, an endless supply of paper and crayons with no Bell Schedule! Can spend hours reading about Lady Day and Dorthea Lange! After 75 years of perpetual motion, time to savor my great good luck.

And I think Kurt Vonnegut had it right: “The moral of the story is, we’re here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And what the computer people don’t realize — or they don’t care — is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And we’re not supposed to dance at all anymore.” 

Photographer & Clients at “Picture Days” 2016

Bravo Academy of Dance – Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Old Dogs In Winter

Like “Mac”, I find sleep and comfort irresistible. And good food . I made all of his. No convenient bagged junk. Real Chow: Half can of Salmon with a shot of Olive Oil in AM (and Cosamin DS for bad joints, same as I still take to not need knee surgery) split with our attitude Lab, “Rocky”. PM, Bone In Raw Chicken Wings. Later, as he and Rocky got older, ground up raw Chickens, cooked Rice, Collards and Sweet Taters.

Mac

Saturdays, a “Trotter” on the deck, from Nahunta Pork Center at the Raleigh Farmers Market – which got disappeared in 45 minutes! Never had to have their teeth cleaned.

Disclaimer: I once wrote to a young lady from a Navy Training School who later told me my letters were complex and hard to read – she was right).

We both aged to relish and enjoy quietude. This is almost, a self portrait. We both got grey muzzles. And shared a deep love of our missus, whose side he would not leave in her illness. As she would not leave his. The hard part of love is good bye. Eventually, account balance is zero, with no credit line. So it goes.

Sunday Oasis

A friend told me about this a few weeks ago at the Cary Photographic Artists Holiday Party. Found and purchased on Goodwillbooks. Merry Christmas to me! $8.58, delivered!

My bookshelf AM/FM Receiver/CD/USB Player has an audio out jack – key to my purchase decision. Headphones & extension cable facilitate couch lounging and blocks the howls and barks of the poor dog in the apartment behind me. Acoustic peace and great music! Add Lager & Bourbon – I’m good!

Ray Sings Basie Swings

A Christmas Tradition

Watching the Cary Ballet Company “Nutcracker” last night was wonderful.

I didn’t know it then, but this photograph from 2021 would be the last I would make, after a dozen years of CBC productions. It was inevitable. As Chaucer wrote in 1395: “Time and tide wait for no man.” Decided the next fall, without regret, it was time to retire.

Cary Ballet “Nutcracker” Final Bow | Cary Arts Center | 19 Dec 2021

The extraordinary performance I saw last evening was deeply life affirming. Being part of that, lasts forever. About as long as it will take me to really curate about 5 TB of Digital Negatives! The luxury of time & absence of needing to earn is a new kind of freedom that I fully embrace. Like the hugs I got last night.

It Snowed On Christmas – IV

Last week, driving by the spectacular Town Hall and Academy Street Christmas displays, the child in me, marveled! The old man in me, finds peace and comfort in the simplicity and elegance of 15 years ago.

Ambassador Loop Lamp Post| Cary Town Hall Campus | 26 Dec 2010

It Snowed On Christmas – III

Page-Walker Arts & History Center started life as a railroad hotel next to still used train tracks. So I occasionally had to pause teaching Thursday night Photography Classes on the second floor, while Trains rumbled by with their warning horns. Freight and Passenger!

Page-Walker Arts and History Center | Cary Town Hall Campus | 26 Dec 2010

Brooklyn Bungalow

We are, I believe, tied to our upbringing. A 75 year old in a mirror, finds it, inescapable. Along with all the stuff NOBODY could make up. Like being six and parked on a sofa in pajamas with my younger brother as EMT’s took my father out the front door – I can still see the flashing red lights.

Didn’t know then about my Maternal Step Grandfather who:

1. A Widower and Hungarian Immigrant, married my Hungarian Immigrant Divorced Grandmother (Catholic Shame but the hubs left!). My Mom was 3.

2. Rolled a 30’s Dodge Touring car with a trunk full of Bootleg during Prohibition. Cost him a year in a Federal Pen

3. Ran Charlie’s Cafe at Woodhill & Buckeye in Cleveland through Prohibition. Defied Cleveland Police for increased bribes by replacing the “Water Heater” full of Bootleg with a real one, before the raid he knew would come .

4. Flew up from retirement in Florida after my Dad was hospitalized and next day, paid his Step Daughters Mortgage – my Brooklyn Bungalow & home.

5. And explains my Fathers relief when I walked in as an adult as he’d just hung up the phone (Long Distance) having sent Charlie the last mortgage repayment.

That post-WWII house was where my Dad kept a Blue Star in the window all nine years I was Navy. And where I never dared think about inviting my best friend in the Navy, who was Black, to visit. Later, I had to tell my Dad he would die soon (Lifetime Smoker) and that we would look after Mom. And later, I would lie to my Mom when it was no longer safe for her to be alone – tricked her to a safe place. And made sure she was safe and not alone when she died.

It was refuge for a brother during a divorce. He took care of it, had the old foundation properly repaired. Which made it a reason for me and my Sweetheart to do the next generation Mom & Dad thing and helped her daughter buy it. That didn’t last, she chose as poorly as I did with my first marriage.

Strangers live there now (owned by an LLC so I suppose, a rental). Strangers live in the home I sold a year ago. And so it goes.

The Trouble With “Modern”Men

When I met my Sweetheart, I couldn’t even find the light. She was all I could think about. Still is, five years a widower. And we’d both do it again.

Now, a 75 year old Male Curmudgeon, I’m astonished hearing my 20 something Neighbor/Dog Rescuer/Teacher/Soprano/Fellow Chef and Fortuitous Confidant about modern relationships. Discovered there’s even a name for it: Hetero-fatalism! Maybe, a la William Shakespeare, it isn’t a really new idea.

It Snowed On Christmas

Early last evening, I went to the Cary Photographic Artists Holiday Party at the Herb C Young Community Center in Cary.

Got waylaid by a bunch of Labrador Retrievers on the way in. Sent my heart into overload. Never did find out what the meetup was for but – oh my.

Christmas Day through the 26th of 2010, it snowed in Cary, North Carolina. Rare event. Beginning with my two Labs, I made photographs of our “White Christmas”. Spent the next day making photographs in Downtown Cary. Which looked a LOT different tonight, driving down Academy Street.

But this is really about two dogs whose ashes I’ve kept to go to sea with mine: Melanchete’s MacGyver AKC CGC & Melanchete’s Rocky AKC CGC.

Oral History

After reading today the latest news from our nations capital, I shared, with a young woman I have great respect for, the literal meanings of some traditional, military acronyms: SNAFU & FUBAR.

I did not include the favored description of chaos from my last IBM manager: “Goat Rodeo”

Love Story “Just One Look”

Five years a widower, walking out of the Cary Arts Center yesterday night, a tall woman with family on each side looked at me and I looked back. She was age appropriate and elegant and lovely. And I walked to my truck – a little shaken.

17 January 1992, Friday, about 6 PM, I parked in the lot of a neighborhood saloon to avoid going home to a failed and contentious marriage. Separate bedrooms for 4 or 5 months. Two very young sons kept me captive.

And I saw a woman with a car stuck in snow (Northern Ohio). Helped push it out. We spent the next 30 years together. Till death we did part.

Not A Safe Place

Leaving a Harris Teeter today with some necessities (Beer), I saw two ICE Officers walking into the store, guided by a Harris Teeter Manager wearing a Corporate Logo Shirt. I heard him say “she might have gone left”. To their credit, the young ICE Officers were not wearing Helmets, Sunglasses or Masks or had Weapons drawn. I had no idea if they had a court ordered Arrest Warrant. Two Town of Cary Police SUV’s were parked nearby.

Pushing my cart towards my truck (old widowers need to get their steps in), I made eye contact with one young ICE Officer, rolled my 75 year old salty veteran Submariner eyes and shook my head in disapproval. Midway to my truck, in my peripheral vision I saw a young Hispanic woman, also in a Harris Teeter Company shirt looking past me as she walked quickly away, as unobtrusively as possible.

And I thought about my immigrant Grand Parents and Great Grand Parents. And why they came to a foreign land without even knowing the language. And I thought about the poem by Emma Lazarus on the base of this statue.

A decade ago, I made this photograph. A proud American Veteran.

Now, I fear the fate of our Better Angels.

Musée d’Orsay, Paris 2015

Serendipity: Santa Claus 2011-2015

3 Dec 2011, I expected to visit the North Carolina Museum of Art with timed Tickets to a Van Gogh Exhibit at the North Carolina Museum of Art with the company of dear friends and house guests, visiting from Toronto. Phone rang: Lindsey Chester of “Cary Citizen”.

“Our photographer called out sick, can you come make photographs with Santa Claus?” I stalled, said I would call some folks I knew in Cary Photographic Artists. Did and got zero response. Sweetheart said, “Oh just go do it, we’ll be fine.” So I loaded my truck with what I thought I needed and headed to Downtown Cary. Courtesy of Joy & Dan Pike, found a pop up tent and chair in Chatham Street, in front of what was then Ashworth’s Drugstore.

Putting up a 9’x20′ Vinyl background I used for dancers in studio, wind was an issue. An energetic and diminutive lady in the next booth graciously lent me a roll of gaffer tape!

And until 2015, I made photographs of Santa for the Heart of Cary Association.

It was wonderful!

An American Original

John Prine Documentary

We sang in the car to a cassette player on I-71, between Delaware and North Ridgeville, Ohio on Visitation Weekends. And later, as a trio to astonished first cousins in Michigan:

“Give my feet to the footloose
Careless, fancy free
Give my knees to the needy
Don’t pull that stuff on me
Hand me down my walking cane
It’s a sin to tell a lie
Send my mouth way down south
And kiss my ass goodbye”

It is delicious fun to sing when you are 8 and 10 years old! Forbidden lyrics!

Abigail Adams On The Paris Opera

Watching the Ken Burns film tonight about the American Revolution, put me back in a Paris Vacation Apartment, in Marais, after an evening at the Opera for the 50th Anniversary of Balanchine’s Ballet “Jewels”. I was coincidentally reading David McCulloughs biography of “John Adams”. This is an excerpt from Abigail Adams letter of 20 Feb. 1785:

My Dear Sister,

The first dance which I saw upon the Stage shoked me, the Dress’es and Beauty of the performers was enchanting, but no sooner did the Dance commence, than I felt my delicacy wounded, and I was ashamed to bee seen to look at them. Girls cloathd in the thinest Silk: and Gauze, with their peticoats short Springing two foot from the floor poising themselves in the air, with their feet flying, and as perfectly shewing their Garters and draws, as tho no peticoat had been worn, was a sight altogether new to me. Their motions are as light as air and as quick as lightning. They balance themselves to astonishment. No description can equal the reality.

Cary Ballet Company Rehearsal – Raleigh, June 2017 https://www.miamicityballet.org/discover/meet-our-dancers/maddie-goodman/

They are daily trained to it from early infancy, at a Royal academy instituted for this purpose. You will very often see little creatures not more than 7 or 8 years old as undauntedly performing their parts as the eldest amongst them. Shall I speak a Truth and say that repeatedly seeing these Dances has worn of that disgust which I first felt, and that I see them now with pleasure. …. The art of dancing is carried to the highest degree of perfection that it is capable of; at the opera

I have Scarcly room left to say that I am Your affectionate sister

A.A

The Comfort of Late Life – Part Trois

Made a menu today for the rest of this & next week. Then, shopped at Total Wine, BJ’s Warehouse and Lowe’s Foods. My list would be, Doctor Approved!

And there is, I’ve discovered, a freedom, a release from “Worry” with a comfortable, late life. It is simple and elegant. Like an open stage, in theater.

3D Jazz Project at Cary Ballet Conservatory – Rehearsal

Cary Arts Center, February 2016

Something Fishy!

Sunday evenings tend to memory – favorites. This market, in walking distance from our vacation apartment, was a favorite place to shop, with my sweetheart. Way different than Harris-Teeter.

And I promise, walk along Rue De Rivoli with Leeks and a Baguette poking up from a shopping bag, dressed like Americans and a tourist will ask, in English, for directions.

I’d say, stifling a smirk, “Parlez vous francais?” And get an admonishing poke in the rib from my sweetie (who had no French at all, even my pathetic skill). “Yes”, she’d say, in English, “Where do you want to go?”

Marché Bastille, Paris – Sept 2016

We Took An Oath

Reading today’s news- a member of the current administration took issue with the idea of disobeying illegal orders. Some folks never took the oath. Or put their behind on the line. They are often loud. And talk a lot about that which they know, nothing.

“I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Lawful Orders: Uniform Code of Military Justice

USS Andrew Jackson SSB(N) 619 – U.S. Navy Photo

For A Dancer II

None were mine. But same as seeing my Marine son deploy to a dangerous and faraway land, I knew for certain, they all were. I had the good luck and privilege to share Studio and Theater. Family.

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Dancers are famous for buckling down and getting through it. But a new openness about mental health has companies and schools focusing on their well-being, both physical and emotional.

Sunday Night Muse

Tuesday, I’ll deliver photographs (not these) for display at the 2025 Cary Photographic Artists Members Show at The Cary Arts Center. The exhibit is coincident with the Cary Ballet Company Annual performance of “The Nutcracker”.

My last participation was 2019 (the second photograph) . Which her father made certain to take home. With luck, I might get to visit with both this young lady and her parents. All are still in my heart.

Cary Ballet Conservatory “Nutcracker” Studio Rehearsal- December 2015

Cary Ballet Conservatory – Youth America Grand Prix Preview – April 2019

Genuflection

The luxury of unhurried time without schedule is a great gift of late life. Especially when the Muse refuses to allow sleep and demands attention. It’s taken me a very long time to “see” this image. I hope to get the print right.

Cary Ballet Company Rehearsal for “Cinderella” – 31 March 2011

The Comfort of Late Life – Part Deux

WCPE Thursday Night Opera tonight is “The Tender Land” by Aaron Copland. Long after the nights I drove home from teaching Photography at Page Walker in Cary, listening to Operas I had no idea of the language -just went with the music. So, long time Copland fan: Appalachian Spring, Rodeo – yep.

There is, I believe, a communion of the human spirit in Art that some find in Religion. It may be the same. Pretty sure it is.

A Cary Citizen

In 2024, I moved back to Cary from the hinterland of an unincorporated part of Wake County, behind a Golf Course where my sweetheart & me snuggled in our last years together.

From 2011 and after downsizing in 2013 (I was burnt on I/T jobs) and before 2020 parted us by death, I made photographs for the now closed but still available publication “Cary Citizen”.

A legit Press Pass was my Magic Carpet to try and portray humanity. Here’s the evidence: Cary Citizen Archive – Brooke Meyer

It’s In The Oven

Discovered the lowest temp setting on my little apartment gas oven is 170F.

My late sweetheart, long ago, left meals for me, as I was doing what is now called a “Side Hustle” and a note “It’s in the oven”, for when I got home to “our” apartment at 3 AM. It was my home after leaving a failed marriage . She had to be up and out early, on a regular work schedule for her job. We both got it really right in marriage, the second time. Till death we did part, almost 30 years later.

I was lucky then, to have a customer (now called a Client) from my day job who wanted and was willing to pay for out of the box techie stuff. My manual Invoices financially papered over the mess of a failed 21 year marriage. Kept my sons covered with Health & Dental.

So 33 years later, it’s “In The Oven”. What I cooked last night – really good! But I wasn’t hungry then. Am now. And so it goes.

No Regrets

This is: A. Old & B. A Favorite!

I’d handed a camera to a dance teacher at the long gone “Bravo Academy of Dance” in Chapel Hill, cheek by jowl with the “Governors Club”, a gated & exclusive rich people place.

Set up background & lights and made Dance Recital Photographs with a wall of Moms behind me with phone flashes setting off my light triggers. No matter.

The owner let me go full Brooke – Shtick , On Ladder, On Belly – yeah we made Photographs! Not the usual mechanical, repetitive setups of “Volume Photographers”

So, now in my dotage, waiting for a Killer Good dinner to “rest”, I was thinking how lucky I was to get to try. Non, je ne regrette rien. I was, a very lucky duck!

Intimate of The Muse

Recently, I got skunked in a local Juried Photography Competition. This evening, for a completely unrelated reason, was reading an interview with Joni Mitchell. The interviewer wrote “like Miles, Joni never really played to her fans, speaking directly only to her muse. ”

That is, I do believe, the deal. And how I played.

Call For The Company

Reverse Swedish Death Cleaning

I’m a big fan of cleaning out the clutter. More to do, even after dramatic downsizing last year. But I’ve since discovered, I missed the je ne sais quoi of my long favorite movies which I gave away.

Which explains recent Goodwillbooks.com purchases. Yeah, old stuff on DVDs, not streaming. This is the latest. Highly recommended.

Grand Prix

“Romani ite domum!”

Halloween, my least favorite holiday. I did channel my inner child and bought a GINORMOUS (110 Piece) Bag of good Halloween candy at my local warehouse club.

Porch light on, seated where I can see Trick or Treater’s and from 6 PM until now, 9 PM, nada. So I’ll keep a few pieces (M&M’s). The rest will end up in the Teachers Lounge at the Triangle Math & Science Academy in Cary. But that’s not what this is about.

After nearly three hours of responible not wanting to disappoint kids in the hood, I’ve sipped (Bourbon & Beer) , warmed a late supper in the oven and surfed the Inter-web thingy.

Checked the Tracking number of my recent replacement purchase of “The Life of Brian” DVD (Immaculate Conception Edition!) from Goodwill Books. It’s somewhere, between here and Oregon.

So I wandered around the news from a place I used to live, South Carolina. Learned that:

Summerton Schools in Clarendon are still 95% racially segregated.

Citadel Graduate and U.S Rep. Nancy Mace had a bad day the Charleston Airport (Disclaimer: I only took Citadel Classes at night, active enlisted US Navy with Tuition Assistance).

The more things change…..

The Comfort of Late Life

Yesterday, I went to the Early Voting Site at the Herb C Young Community Center in Cary, North Carolina. Same place that Cary Photographic Artists hold their monthly meetings. Thought, Wed., gray and wet, won’t be anyone there. Wrong! Forgot it was one of the Wake County Early Voting Sites!

My Ballot was slim, one Elective Choice for an “At Large Cary Council Member”. Still, it took an hour. Which was not a worry. My time is my time. Met and visited with some folks in line. Told some lame jokes. And Voted. With my Real Photo ID! Didn’t see ICE! I did park in the Garage, got 300 steps in each way plus down 60 and up 60 steps to the top deck.

Before Voting, I stopped at “Paris Baguette” for Croissants with Egg, Cheese and Bacon – Heavenly! But as I’ve learned the hard way, often sold out by 11 AM. Scored 2 of the last 3 – then Voted! Next, stop at Harris Teeter for Gouda Cracker Cuts and BOGO Ben & JERRY Pints!

I’ve no debt, a like new 2005 Chevy W/T needing nothing, good chunk of dough in the bank in CD & HYS ( sold house in 2024 for double paid in 2013), full frig and nothing but routine visits to Dentist & Doc I’ve seen since 1999. And Tax free income and household budget that leaves plenty of wiggle room each month. As Miss Piggy advised, the “Secret to managing money is managing to have enough!” And I do!

Good pile of “To Be Read” books, the luxury of time to plan and cook meals and no demands on my time. Time to dog sit and listen to “NightBird”.

All the Legal stuff is done. Following House Sale and as a Widower, made all new: Will, Power of Attorney and Durable Power of Health Care Attorney. Plus an Advanced Medical Directive for whenever one of my vital parts hits the expiration date. Had a frank and candid discussion with my PCP: palliative care only, no surgeries, chemo or radiation . Just a morphine drip (not keen on suffering) and lemme go.

Left to do and soon, is to prepay my Cremation and execute a Disposition of Remains – which means my ashes go 3+ miles off Hatteras (NC Law) with the ashes of two Labrador Retrievers. We all 3 liked the ocean.

Estate is the stuff in my 1BR Apt that will get tossed into a “Habitat” donation or more likely, a” Junk Doctors” truck (last move cost me $500 to throw away the big stuff). Accounts in my Credit Union, already designated, no probate.

Yep, like the 1MC Announcement & Klaxon

“Now Dive, Dive “ Klaxon

To borrow a lyric from Laura Nyro:

Give me my freedom for as long as I be
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me

All I ask of living is to have no chains on me
And all I ask of dying is to go naturally
Only want to go naturally

Unlawful Orders

Long ago (1968 to 1977), I served on active duty in the U.S. Navy. I willingly swore this Oath of Enlistment (Twice -a $$$ re-enlistment bonus paid for 1st marriage).

“I, Brooke Meyer, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God. “

USS Andrew Jackson SSB(N) 619 – U.S. Navy Photo

Got FBI & NIS Background Checks and a Final Top Secret Clearance. Qualified Crew as a Submariner and Missile Control Center Supervisor (Mk. 84 Polaris & Mk 88 Poseidon Fire Control Systems) . It was not AI.

Decades later, my sons suffered my lectures at the dinner table about the part of the UCMJ that says “OBEY LAWFUL ORDERS”. That means, “YOU DO NOT OBEY UNLAWFUL ORDERS“. So I am dumbfounded at news about US military officials required to sign NDAs tied to Latin America

A. They are already bound by oath to be silent.

B. They could rightfully say: “No Sir, I am not obeying an unlawful order”

“I was obeying orders” didn’t work at the Nuremberg Trials.

Anchors Aweigh and Drink To The Foam!

Saturated Fat

Journalism Photography was different from my work at Cary Ballet Conservatory. My Press & Fair & Parking Pass to the NC State Fair via Cary Citizen was to tell a story. I never made photographs to laugh at anyone. With, yes. At, no.

So seven years later, I still struggle with this image. The hat says “Navy” which as an ex Submariner, still really bothers me.

2018 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen

Aboard USS Andrew Jackson SSBN 619, there was once a a crew member who ate so much during a two month patrol, he could not fit through a hatch to leave the ship. Literally, stuck aboard.

Solution was to: 1. Not feed him for a couple of of days 2. Strip him down to skivvies. 3. Oil him up (don’t remember if it was vegetable or Shell Tellus Hydraulic). 4. Put a few pounds of air pressure in AMR and pop him out out the hatch. He probably had a waistline north of 58″, triple the diameter of a 19″ hatch.

Not humorous. Not at all. Yep, he got out. Before stuck making another Patrol

“Salon des Refusés” – Part Deux

Just like in 1863 Paris, when paintings by Gustave Courbet, Édouard Manet and Camille Pissarro were rejected by the Paris Salon, I again received the same from a Juried Photography Competition, sponsored by a local camera club. So in the tradition of the Salon des Refusés, here are my rejects.

Disclaimer: These prints are on my apartment living room wall and are NFS. It did get me out for the reception to visit and talk story. And flirt!

Circus

Psyche & Eros

iPointe

When You Get To Be Human

By December of of 2012, I’d found my artistic & spiritual home at Cary Ballet Conservatory. Especially in Theater.

Made this image on 12/12/12 at the Cary Arts Center. Didn’t realize she was my “Muse”. Stage Makeup and Street Clothes. Later, home at my desk, after downloading and backing up the photographs I’d made at rehearsal, I stared at this, with my Bourbon & Beer and realized :

  1. I loved it without knowing why.
  2. I had no idea why it looked this way.
  3. I understood nothing about light. Theater was a comfort zone, the lighting was just there. I was completely ignorant of lighting design and the properties of light!

Spent the next summer learning. Found the work of George Hurrell, another Painter turned Photographer. And Yousuf Karsh, whose work changed after he became involved with an actress and discovered theater lighting. And found my Lighting Bible – for free (Pages 135 through 140)!

And I spent the next 10 years trying to get it right. Haunted eBay:

Mole – Richardson Tungsten Fresnels

And found young dancers who were willing to let me try to make their portraits.

‘Cause I Know You By Heart

I don’t remember how or why I found music by Eva Cassidy. Child left this life almost 30 years ago. Her recording of Sting’s “Fields of Gold” aired on BBC2 and launched renewed posthumous interest that echoed back to the US.

Lent my CD recordings to a music teacher/neighbor/dog rescuer/ informally adopted grand daughter whose pace and demands of young adult modern life makes me glad I’m old and out to pasture.

So having time to graze in Senior Sunshine, I ordered replacements from my favorite Book/CD store “GoodwillBooks.com“. This reached my mailbox a few days ago:

Turns out my 75 year old tear ducts still work. And I was thinking about having the privilege and trust of teachers and parents and children for a dozen years of work as a photographer at Cary Ballet Conservatory. And my sweetheart who is “still here beside me every day, ’cause I know you by heart“.

————————————————————–

You left in autumn
The leaves were turning
I walked down roads of orange and gold
I saw your sweet smile
I heard your laughter
You’re still here beside me every day
‘Cause I know you by heart

More, later 😉

Poop! There’s An App For That!

Available now! Way better than having to look! (But NOT my next camera!): https://www.kohlerhealth.com/purchase/

“Dekoda attaches to the rim of the toilet bowl and aims its camera down into the bowl. Powerful sensors scan and analyze the contents of the toilet using groundbreaking science and technology. Photos are analyzed by an accompanying app.”

“The Kohler Dekoda is available now for $599. However, the app is not free. Subscriptions range from around $70 to over $150 annually, depending on the selected plan.“

Bonds

The North Carolina State Fair, besides rides and crazy foods (delicious fun), is essentially about farming. A hard, uncertain life. My Fair & Press Credential permitted access to the barns behind the Show Rings. I was careful to be respectful. Click images for full size.

2015 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen

Today’s Opening Day Fair News!

Not News: “Traffic worries driving some crazy as NC State Fair begins – WRAL”

2012 North Carolina State Fair

This is news: “Food Vendors not returning to the NC State Fair – Raleigh N&O”.

2014 North Carolina State Fair

Photographed for Cary Citizen

Walk Along A Country Road -Redux

Some memories, persist. Maybe due to Sunday quiet. Or old age. Or both.

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In this Sunday memory, Departmental Road 9, Belleau, Departement de l’Aisne (France), FR. It was a Monday in Sept. of 2017, 99 years after War.

The local American / French Museum was closed, so we walked along farm roads in gorgeous late September sunshine and quiet, to our destination.

You can get there easily from Paris, by Metro to Gare de l’Est, then express train to Château-Thierry and local taxi to Belleau. And can walk the battlefield in silence. Click images for full size.

PSA – Wine Spill On Keyboard

Made wonderful Pasta & Marinara and placed a Chromebook to read while eating. Which I killed with a spilled glass of wine on the keyboard.

Replaced at BestBuy, same price as my 3 year old wine soaked corpse.

Tomorrow, Wake County LioN battery disposal in Apex.

Lesson learned: Don’t use fancy glasses at table with Chromebooks. A flat bottomed tumbler will do!

“The Americans”

After two side trips, wandering about my local Barnes&Nobles bookstore and handling, twice, a plastic wrapped copy of “The Americans” by Robert Frank, I went home and discovered the Wake County Library didn’t have it. So I surfed my favorite book store, Goodwill Books . Us down sized Widowers know what old folks get rid of!

Found a copy near me, in Gastonia, North Carolina. Ordered and it arrived today. It is, extraordinary. And highly recommended.

Blue Hour

“Blue Hour” isn’t an an hour. It’s 15 or 20 minutes of Twilight. In mornings, before Sunrise. Or Evenings, after Sunset. And borderline magical.

Yep, I’d consulted the almanac. And watched my watch. And wrist compass.

2011 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen

Deja Butt

The news this week reminded me of an embarrassing incident I caused as a photographer, so focused on the image, the ride was was stopped!

The 2016 North Carolina State Fair featured a new “SkyRide” transporting visitors high across the Fair. Fascinated, I used my Fair & Press credentials to talk myself into the passenger loading area. Solely focused (no pun) on making a dramatic image, I (innocently and ignorantly) backed my butt up to the “Emergency Stop”. And it worked! And I got highly disapproving looks from the folks working the ride. Sheepishly, I slinked away.

So watching the video of a videographer riding an escalator backwards, ahead of the President & First Lady – yeah, no way he’s going to ‘fess up to the butt stop.

More Semi Legal Fun With Rodin

My first attempt at a High School Senior Portrait Session was 13 years ago. I’d made Prom Pictures in a neighbors home and was recommended to another neighbor. It was also about a half year before my lighting “Epiphany” and subsequent truckloads of gear. So outdoor ambient light it was.

After okay (and way better than Life Touch Prestige) sessions in the garden of Page Walker Arts & History Center (which I discovered later was illegal as I was being paid and did not have a Permit) and Raulston Arboretum (where it’s legal if you don’t interfere with Visitors or damage the horticulture), I suggested a visit to the North Carolina Museum of Art.

Rodin Garden at North Carolina Museum of Art – June 2012

Confession: I’m a a failed B.F.A. Major and Rodin fan. I’ve made multiple, full afternoon visits to Musée Rodin in Paris and spent quality time with the large scale marble sculptures on the mezzanine of the Musée d’Orsay. So I felt a kinship. And the young lady and her chaperone Mom agreed. And it planted the seed of an idea for my Illegal Sunday, 6 years later. And I bet if Auguste Rodin was still around and saw these, he’d grin.

Illegal Sunday

The month before making this promo image for “Collabo”, a joint performance by the Ballet & Jazz Companies at Cary Ballet Conservatory, I discovered, while visiting the NCMA (North Carolina Museum of Art) Booth at Cary’s “Lazy Daze”, it would not be allowed. There were new rules against “commercial” photography. Being well versed in corporate inanity, I acted surprised, nodded and smiled, saying I certainly understood.

Having previously photographed performances by the non-profit Cary Ballet Conservatory at NCMA and me working pro-bono and content I was breaking no rules, I devised a work around. First, I didn’t tell anyone. Second, it was planned for a Sunday and I knew the NCMA Rep at Lazy Daze wouldn’t be there. Third, I deployed Dance Moms on the perimeter and nobody messes with Dance Moms – plus they were also VALS (Voice Activated Light Stands) and held a bunch of “speed lights” triggered from my camera.

There is a 24″ x 36″ framed print of this image on my living room wall. I would be willing to lend it to NCMA for display – Gratis! Seriously!

North Carolina Museum of Art – 23 Sept 2018

The Bloody 100th

“For decades, Mr. Luckadoo rarely spoke about his time in the war, especially in public.” ….”His wife told him he had a duty to talk about the horrors of war”

Mr. Luckadoo framed his talks around the sheer terror that comes with knowing that making it through combat is often as much a matter of luck as it is training or courage. “I’m not a hero,” he liked to say. “I’m a survivor.”

Ow, Ow, My Eyes!

Today, in my local supermarket, saw this on display. Been trying to unsee and comprehend, simultaneously! Fart and deodorize in one easy step! And “Ripe” for an SNL skit.

“DUMPkin spice WITH CLOVE, NUTMEG & Other FALL SH**!

“DUDE Wipes DUMPkin Spice Flushable Wipes keep your butt cozy with a pumpkin spice-inspired mix of clove, nutmeg, and other fall scents.“

3 Stooges Are Smarter Than AI!

Typed in the search term “By the bye, how is the Countess?”, a phrase well known to kids of the 1950’s. It was Moe in the 1935 Three Stooges short “Hoi Polloi”! Google search suggested a scene from Downton Abbey – yada, yada, yada. Nah – it was Moe!

To Dance and Dream

It’s hard to comprehend this was only four years ago. I was still a “Widower Novitiate”. Work provided balance. This studio session was with a stunning natural beauty and drop dead graceful, elegant dancer. Proof that the Great Spirit was in a really good mood when she was born. To work, to collaborate with such hard working artists was a great gift. I was very, very lucky.

Studio Session at Cary Ballet Conservatory – June 2021

Memory Of Madness

I was stunned to discover that my very young, whip smart and well educated neighbor, born a year after, had never heard of this. It was my attempt, as her adopted 75 year old grandfather to bring historical perspective to the lunacy of the recent event in Utah. It is, as always, crazy. The idea that this is something “new” is, well, very old.

Oklahoma City Bombing

Almost Fair Time

The North Carolina State Fair begins next month, 16 to 26 October.

This gallery from 2009 was my first visit and I was overwhelmed. It is color and crowds and noise and crazy food and animals and rides and wonderful.

From 2010 to 2019, I had Press Credentials from the Fair & Cary Citizen! Which included a Parking Pass to the Vendor Lot at Carter Finley Stadium and a Shuttle to the Fair! Plus, before opening day, I would select two images from the previous Fair to enter into the Photography Competition. Winning “Best Fair Scene” in 2016 with a Ribbon and a Check, I think made me an Official “Tar Heel”!

Re-visiting those galleries is a project I hope to finish by the start of this year’s Fair. Meanwhile, here is my skimpy, amateur maiden voyage. Click each for full size

Rejected! – “Salon des Refusés”

In 1863 Paris, paintings by Gustave Courbet, Édouard Manet and Camille Pissarro were rejected by the Paris Salon. Today, I received the same from an online Juried Digital photography competition, sponsored by a local camera club. So in the tradition of the Salon des Refusés, here are my rejects.

Dubious – “This Tap Dance Croc Rock thing doesn’t really work for me!”

Seen – “The guy with the long lens on a tripod – he looks legit.”

Tough – “Glamorous, my foot!

Not Ducky

Early today was a trip to the Post Office for some family business, then a self promised visit to the Downtown Cary Farmers Market.

Downtown Cary Park is a wonderful place to visit and walk and get vitamins in your heart from seeing dogs and children and their attendant grown-ups, play. So I was smitten by a 2 or maybe three year old tow head, looking down in excitement by activity in the pond below a wonderful walking bridge.

Curious, I learned over the railing to see a pair of female Mallard ducks bobbing for food. Without thinking, I said aloud, mostly for the excited little boy “those are girl ducks”. His father, who looked like a prosperous and well groomed “30ish” said aloud “how do you know?”

Stunned, I said Mallard ducks are very common around here and the Males (Drakes) have dark blue green heads and neck rings. Silence.

So I looked at Mom and said “There are lots more at the boathouse at Bond Park, you’ll see what I mean”. And it was like I had revealed a “secret”.

And I wondered how far we have removed ourselves from our native environment while addicted to the nonsense of oxymoronically “SmartPhones”. Which sort of explains the one handed left turning young man driving a Honda while holding his phone in the other as I waited to cross Academy Street to the park.

We are, I think, as Neil Postman wrote “Amusing Ourselves To Death”.

“Saturday, I go out to play”.

1947, T-Bone Walker wrote this lyric. My hearing of it is Eva Cassidy.

Today, this old carcass got out to the Cary Downtown Park to test drive some new gear. A monochrome only sensor (take that Bayer Filter!) and some colored filters traditionally used on B&W film. I was today, a novitiate.

Another gray hair did a presentation at Cary Photographic Artists and I hit that thing like a bass to a lure! Turns out, odd duck that I am, been using Pentax gear forever. So I already had the glass.

Weather turned from ugly to wonderful. So test drive today aka “play” with a monochrome only sensor and colored filters (it’s a physics / visible spectrum / traditional B&W film thing). Saturday, in the park. Click each for full size.

Old Man Fun – Part Trois!

After a few weeks of no Phone scammer calls, got a new one today from, you guessed it, a spoofed / unassigned DID number – this time in Georgia. So pick up call, put on speaker and blow quasi-duck call noise maker whose origin was previously described! Some poor boiler room soul answers and they get another blast! Then they hang up! Mission accomplished! Soon as this snuggle bunny / neighbors dog is off a trial diet, she’s getting serious goodies from Moi! Maybe even, another stuffed LampChop toy!

The Upside of Long Experience aka “Old Guy”

In my older apartment complex, it’s usually quiet except for the hellishly loud backpack leaf blowers of the weekly landscape crew and currently,the woeful wailing’s of a dog left alone in the apartment behind me. I have exhausted my frustration for the poor dog in e-Mails to the apartment complex management. It is neither life threatening or physically harmful – just aggravating. I would be willing to dog sit. But that’s not what this is about.

I thought about all the modern stuff I got rid of or never had: Social Media ( Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, X, AI anything), Streaming anything, Apple anything, Amazon anything, Cable anything and Fast Food. Reading the news, I have NO idea why the Cracker Barrel logo matters at all! Was in one once, decades ago – meh.

Point is, all the noise is just that – meaningless noise, as in “It ain’t about nuthin” (a favorite, ungrammatical double negative and borderline malapropism).

My “TBR” (To Be Read”) stack of books is always handy and I’ve plenty of music CDS. WCPE FM is always entertaining and restorative. Legitimate, curated news is available by digital subscription with no ads.

So except for weekly leaf blowers and the occasional mournful dog, I’m noise free!

A Horse, Of Course!

Halfway through a new edit of four (ok, five) photography sessions for an ex co-worker & /friend from my corporate days. Roughly a year before my exit/nearly fired by mainland China Managers, I’d been self teaching photography after a 2007 incident in Paris where a skilled pick pocket “liberated” an already obsolete Sony P&S from my jacket, hung on the back of a bistro chair while I went to the loo. But that’s not what this is about.

May 2009

A trusting co-worker and horse owner bought into my photography enthusiasm! We set up a shoot session at the stable where she boarded her horse. It was my first introduction to:

A. The inexplicable bond between horses & women.

B. Discovering all Stable owners are crazy.

C. I had a LOT to learn about making photographs. A lot!

So with enthusiasm and naivete, we made some photographs. Which I was embarrassed by. So I asked for and got a d0-over. Looking at the photographs I made for her 3, 7 and 11 years later (different horses), I can see the difference made by the experience of a wearing out s bunch of camera bodies and maybe 6oo to 700 K clicks. How to get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice!

And Now For Something Completely Different!

There are two Baseball Movies that I think are worthy of your time – “Bull Durham” and “Major League”. Ok, yeah I was born in Cleveland. But today was Bob Uecker Day in Milwaukee – pretty sure he was in the “Front Row”.

https://www.mlb.com/brewers/uecker

Eureka!

When you realize your OXO Good Grips Garlic Press (❤️, ❤️, ❤️) could work with Shallots, too! (Okay, I swiped the image from the OXO site, lazy photographer & Saturday afternoon Happy Hour – but I did de-vein the Shrimp ).

Shrimps shells are getting happy in slow pan with water before liquor goes into base sauce of olive oil, good cheap white box wine, garlic, shallot and Meyer (what else) Lemon zest. Quick hit with Shrimp, than the rest of yesterdays Brown & White Rice made in homemade Shrimp stock goes in. Besides proper country French Bread, sliced vine ripe tomato in olive oil and just cut Basil from my upstairs neighbor’s ginormous Basil bush (I got a very kind “Thank You” note about the still warm Basil pasta I brought her after my first foray).

Glorious good weather with VERY comfortable Dew Point, Humidity and Temp – all windows & door open. I’m good!

Showtime!

Today, finished editing and posting (including a play I mis”played”) all the dress rehearsals of Cary Player production I photographed for Cary Citizen between 2011 and 2016! Online galleries are here, just click on the name: Cary Players Galleries.

And 2016 was, “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever!

Dress Rehearsal – Cary Arts Center – 28 November 2016

In Quiet and Peace

USS Andrew Jackson SSB(N) 619 – U.S. Navy Photo

Long ago, three addresses and two houses and one widower hood past, a summer visitation to Grandmas settled one evening to watch “Band of Brothers”. A grandson by marriage, left to his room while watching, finding it too violent. Which I thought was, “good on him”.

I cannot, not remember the scene where Dick Winters is portrayed on D+1, of 7 June 1944: “I would live this war one day at a time, and I promised myself that if I survived, I would find a small farm somewhere in the Pennsylvania countryside and spend the remainder of my life in quiet and peace.”

As an old man, I cherish my quiet and peace. And understand how much of modern noise is exactly that, just meaningless noise. I remarked today, to my very young neighbor and dog rescuer, that as much as her dog has learned to trust me, she still suffers from unimaginable treatment before her rescue as a puppy, from a Dumpster. Some scars are always felt.

Principals

Oct. of 2010 found me floundering, looking for a raison d’etre. Newly decoupled from an IT job at Lenovo nee IBM PC Company, south of Social Security and burnt from the inanity of self absorbed navel gazers who professed omnipotence, my tank was empty. Which properly worried my sweetheart about how we were going to get along.

So trying to find my bearings . I got a legit press pass from “Cary Citizen” and went to photograph “Celebration of The Children In the Arts”. Which was, unknown to me, a gateway spiritual drug. I found my artistic North Star!

100% naive of Ballet, Deanna Seay (who’d I had no idea had just retired as Principal Soloist at Miami City Ballet or had any idea of what that meant) was very kind and supportive and invited me to just come and watch classes.

And I remember thinking “This is hard – really hard – way harder than than Football or Basketball!” And I got to meet and photograph Principals who were very kind to my endeavors

Deanna Seay Master Class – February 2011

Maria Chapman Kennedy with Mimi Staker – August 2012

Elizabeth Gaither & Class – July 2014

The Upside of Age 75

No, this old carcass can’t do what it used to do. Just like the stuff I couldn’t do as a child, before adolescence, teens and adult ages. So we are, I think, on a journey, whether we wish to or not!

3D Jazz Project at Cary Ballet Conservatory – Cary Arts Center, April 2013

There is, in my widower dotage, a blessed quietude and relief from worry. I shopped today for what I had on my list, knowing the budget was okay.

I am blessedly relieved from the incessant noise of oxymoronically “Social Media”. I have no concern or involvement with Door Dash, FaceBook, Uber, TikTok, Amazon Drone Delivery or the really oxymoronically named “Artificial Intelligence”.

I did grow up with and make a living with and from digital technology and yeah, hook up an inference engine to a knowledge data base -you’re still left with what you already know, ya’ know? Just convenient- like a calculator.

So this blessed relief, to borrow a Thomas Hardy title, of being “Far From The Madding Crowd”, is my luxury. I’m good with that.

The Curmudgeon “Emeril”!

Just turned off my Magic Microwave/Air Fryer/Broiler/Convection Oven at 400F with Skin On, Bone In Chicken Thighs. They got trimmed and tossed with Olive Oil, Old Bay and Dry Vermouth beforehand.

Turned off my 400F oven with a sheet pan of sliced peach tossed with Olive Oil, Kosher Salt, Fresh Ground Pepper and Dry Vermouth.

Rice Cooker on Warm with half White, half Brown Rice in homemade veggie stock.

Which explains why my young neighbor, fellow cook and provider of Canine Therapy teasingly calls me “Emeril”!

Today started at La Farm Bakery for honest French Country Bread, then Capri Flavors for grated Parmesan, then Total Wine for essentials, then the Raleigh Farmers Market for Nahunta Pork (Ribs, Chops, Butt Roast and Ham Hock), then a vendor stand for big ole field ripe tomatoes and fresh shelled Butter Beans – just take me now Lord! And finally, Harris Teeter for Dry Vermouth (recipe) and a Brown Rice California Roll- needed a late lunch.

Yeah, I cook. Ain’t eating that stuff in the middle of the store. Or drive through anything. Curmudgeon!

When Inmates Run The Asylum

This 75 year old guy really wants his 2025 Covid & Flu Shots, like last year!

Nah, Mad King Donald’s – Mad King Robert knows WAY more than all those pesky Doctors & Phd’s. He is, very, very, Special!

Kennedy said in the Tuesday statement that he wants the health department to move away from mRNA vaccines, calling on the department to start “investing in better solutions.” He provided no details on what those technologies might be.

https://fox8.com/politics/ap-politics/ap-rfk-jr-pulls-500-million-in-funding-for-vaccine-development/

Sea Story -And This Is No Sh*T!

It is nearly an obligation to relate the experience of the previous generation to the latest. Which explains my relating the experience of a then, very young Submariner to my young neighbor last afternoon. I told her about “Kiddie Cruises” aka Annapolis Midshipmen ordered to the USN Fleet, in summer.

USS Andrew Jackson SSB(N) 619 – U.S. Navy Photo

I was crew aboard a Lafayette Class Fleet Ballistic Missile Submarine. We operated from a tender in Rota, Spain.

Weapons Gang is also Deck Gang so I was top side when a Midshipman (not lying, blonde good looking boy) crossed the brow and announced to the Chief Steward, Senior Chief Petty Officer Willie Jackson (who NOBODY messed with and whose shoulders blotted out the Sun) his bags were on the Pier. Chief Jackson rolled his eyes while our XO, LCDR Russell took his cigar out of his mouth and explained to the Midshipman how much time he would be allowed to retrieve his bags and report to the Wardroom where the errors of his ways would be explained, in plain language.

Submarines are a meritocracy and nobody cares about your rank. And no one aboard was going to sign that Child’s Qual Card.

Twenty Years Now, Where’d It Go?

Been in Grandpa mode lately with a young neighbor about budgets and knowing where your/her money goes. Laying out my August budget yesterday, I got to thinking about the last 12 months – a widower period of transition. I am, to paraphrase Joni Mitchell an “Ageing Child”.

Digging through paper files (remember paper) from this past year, I added up about a total of $8,500 of maintenance for my 2005 Silverado Work Truck. Bought new in May of 2005. Took back to the Mother-ship aka Hendrick Chevrolet in Cary. And I can’t tell the difference from new. Had plenty of time in the Service Dept. waiting room to surf their current deals. Cheapest I could find was triple what I paid in 2005.

Like a Rock!

It’s hauled 3 yard loads of mulch, a yard of crush & run stone, new washer & dryers in and old ones out. Retrieved loads of dried, rough sawed white oak from a mill by the NC State Fairgrounds after a tree service hauled the eight f00t+ long logs there from a big ole tree dropping bark by my house that needed harvesting. Moved sons in and out of UNC Chapel Hill & Greensboro dorms. Moved wood shop tools from house to storage at down sizing. Moved a couple of yards of construction debris from town house during last kitchen renovation for my late sweetheart. Hauled a ton of studio lighting gear for a dozen years. And it moved me to where I am now.

Current role is daily driver – Lowe’s Foods, BJ’s Warehouse, Total Wine and La Farm Bakery. We are both, taking it easy.

A Must Share -Losing Our Minds

“What will happen if this becomes fully realized? An electorate that has lost the capacity for long-form thought will be more tribal, less rational, largely uninterested in facts or even matters of historical record, moved more by vibes than cogent argument and open to fantastical ideas and bizarre conspiracy theories. If that sounds familiar, it may be a sign of how far down this path the West has already traveled.”

Old Man PSA – QR Code Scams

Très convenient for crooks! Easy to implement, with the almost Sheep like acceptance of folks wedded to oxymoronically named “Smartphones”. My hunch is, the wolves are licking their chops at the delicious possibilities afforded by the “convenience”. And emerging AI offers an accelerant to the ease of fleecing the herd: ‘Quishing’ scams dupe millions of Americans as cybercriminals exploit QR codes.

*** Bonus Scam Update Info! The incoming, automated, spoofed unassigned DiD numbers Scam Calls have gone to zero! The last iteration were spoofed numbers from small towns in Idaho and Georgia. No message and a hangup in 20 seconds. So I “replied” to the nobody there IVR with a blast from my Dog Toy Kazoo (liberated from a stuffed toy by my young neighbors “Dumpster Rescue”). When some poor soul then answered “This is …., how many I help you”, they got a couple more Dog Toy Kazoo blasts at max speaker volume. I’ve been banned 😉

Old Man Looks At Modern Problems

Geezer perspective on a, to me, astonishing article in today’s NYT: Retirement saving mistakes. I know about the Target Shopping thing from my neighbor/adopted Grand Daughter/BFF/Rescue Dog Owner. We routinely share our recipes and victories with supermarket markdowns.

  1. Say what! – The average consumer spends $118 a month on food delivery and $78 a month at coffee shops, according to a 2023 survey of 1,000 U.S. adults by Empower, a financial services firm. (A month plus of coffee made at home is less than $12. And get your butt out and go pick it up! Better yet COOK – it ain’t rocket surgery! $118 + $78 buys months worth of Folgers and Chicken and Veggies!)
  2. Most consumers don’t realize that the minimum payment on a credit card barely covers the interest rate charges, which on average currently range from 21.16 percent to 22.73 percent.  (Bank pays me way, way less than that on my CD and HYS – guess who wins, Suckers? It is, financial Rape.)
  3. “Getting out of debt becomes even harder when you keep charging items to your credit card. “The ability to just grab your phone, tap a few times and have something sent to you that day, within a couple hours, makes it a lot easier to overspend and to do so without truly thinking it through.” (Yeah, maybe, just maybe, think it through. Divorce Lawyers live on this, as in “I want it my way and I want it NOW!)

Being owned by your debt is no fun whatsoever. Knocking on 75 turns around the Sun, seen it – explains divorce from first marriage. Wanna see pathetic – old folks with no bucks. Nah, no thanks, I’ll go my own way. So 70 cents for a 12 oz Miller Beer at home vs $5 for the same pour at local restaurant/bistro. Or what ever the ridiculous fees are for “Door Dash, et al. There are, special occasions that justify the cost delta and spending some “go to hell money”. Like tickets to attend the Ballet in Paris ($60 Euros). Or Anniversary dinners. Or graduations. But denial is, not a River in Egypt. If you ain’t got it, don’t spend it. You need a roof and a rack and chow (just ask the folks in Gaza). Leather Memory Seats, Remote Start, Lane Assist, Blue Tooth, Rear Cameras, etc, etc, etc – not so much. Disclaimer: I do have a $30, oxymoronically named “SmartPhone”. Works! I start the Washer & Dryers in my apt. complex laundromat with it. Rollover triple minutes keep accumulating when I buy a 90 day Plan and add a 12 months of coverage for 15 months of service – about $70. Keep it in the truck in case I need to call AAA or electricity internet goes out. Else, I’m reading and writing on my $139, open box, lightweight Chromebook with 14″ screen, full keyboard and 12 hour plus battery life – WiFi with 400 MBPS at $39.99 a month.

Yeah, what is it that you need? Different than what you want – even if you haven’t thought about it. Go your own way.

It’s A Mystery!

The bulk of this “Old Man Screed” was “deactivated” in the comment section of the Raleigh News & Observer today. I get it. Pretty soon, lots more will!

————————————————————-

“Lara Trump as Senator? Bless her heart!

Come Nov 2026, NC will have a Dem AG, Dem Gov. and a Dem Senator – all busy trying to fix the chaos created by he who shall remain unnamed but whose ignorance dwarfs Mt. Rushmore. You know, the guy who is very close pals with pedophiles and subservient billionaires, the one trashing the global economy on the ego trip of a 12 year old.

The bold soldier who was only prevented from being a warrior due to bone spurs which, thank God, don’t interfere with his shoe lifts!

The one who stopped the Ukraine War in 1 day!

The one whose age limit for sex with girls STOPS at age 12!

Or maybe it was Hannibal Lecter and the 1400 percent reduction in prescription costs!

Nobody even knows how the Diet Cokes he drinks, sweetened with Aspartame, compares to Cane Sugar! It is, as the Jesuits explained to me, a mystery!“

Waterhole #3

Guilty self indulgence – Waterhole #3

USPS brought this today – eBay purchase. From 1967. NO way made today! But laugh out loud and accurate portrayal of modern society. Pompous military, blowhard men with entitlement attitudes and women, putting up with all the nonsense. And making immigrants, scapegoats!

Wonderful Roger Miller singing commentary: “The Code of the West, is do onto others, before they do onto you!”

Both Sides of This Life

My young neighbor & BFF confirmed the accuracy of an extraordinary article in the New York Times about modern courtship – okay “Dating” : The Trouble With Wanting Men: “Women are so fed up with dating men that the phenomenon even has a name: heterofatalism”

In about two weeks, I’ll finish my 75th turn around the Sun. And I had no idea. Had a well intended but doomed first marriage of 21 years. Me and my soulmate both got it right the second time. For nearly 30 years. Till death did part us.

But this – chronological men acting like boys – makes me embarrassed. Young men, I believe, need the focus and discipline of Recruit Training in Armed Services. Better, actual service. So the ladies don’t have to do two jobs – their day job for a paycheck and the second job, caring for a man-child.

Old Man Fun – Part Deux

On a REALLY hot and miserably humid Carolina July day, hiding out in the A/C, after today’s chore of laundry – drinking & thinking:

  • Phone scammers shifted to spoofed / unassigned DID numbers in Idaho – so pick up call, put on speaker and blow quasi duck call noise maker from a dog toy! Someone answers and they get another blast! Then they hang up! Mission accomplished!
  • Got eBay offer from seller after putting in “Wish List” – good price & free ship for a favorite, couldn’t be made today, Blake Edwards movie. Bought it!
    • "MV5BMjM4MzMzNzM1NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMzk5OTUxMQ@@._V1_.jpg
  • Somewhere between trips to laundry across the parking lot, a fly found my apartment. Watched it struggle on window. Captured with plastic cup and a page of local PBS monthly guide – released outside!

Garden Of Stone

Aisne-Marne American Cemetery – Belleau, France

Made this photograph in late September of 2o17. From St. Paul Metro Station in the Marais District of Paris, it’s a short ride to Gare Est. Then, a morning express train to Château-Thierry. Next, a local taxi.

99 years after the Battle of Belleau Wood and 1 year before the American President, in Paris, chose not to attend the Centennial Memorial. It was attended by the Commandant of the Unites States Marine Corps. And Marines.

On my visit, I walked the Battlefield in silence and solitude. The American President who dishonored Marines, I do not forgive.

Old Man Fun!

My neighbor & bestie and her dog visit often, in late afternoon. Ok, it involves dog treats – it’s Pavlovian. But that’s not what this is about. It’s about a sort of Duck Call noise maker aforesaid dog (pictured below) liberated from a stuffed toy. Which resides by my old school phone handset (Ooma).

“Dumpster” Rescue – thrown away in a garbage bin as a puppy.

It is, delightful, to respond to Scam Calls (i.e. “Pre-Approved Consolidation Loans” , “IRS Tax Relief”) from spoofed numbers, as in Press 2 , and greet the answer “Who am I speaking to?” with multiple duck calls! Same deal with later calling the “866” numbers they leave. Sometimes, muffled cursing, sometimes laughter but mostly, hang-ups. It is, highly entertaining! And the calls have reduced, dramatically! I may have been placed on the Official Sleazeball Scammer “Do Not Call List”!

A Step Ahead of Tariffs

Somewhere around 2014, after downsizing to a Townhouse on the far east edge of Wake County, I attempted to put down roots in the local community – aka teaching photography classes for Town of Clayton Parks & Rec. Center. Got along well with the young lady in charge of programs. Which failed spectacularly when she was promoted and replaced with – I am not making this up – two men. But that’s not what this is about.

I’d discovered YN-560 III speed lights – fully manual, with built in radio receivers for wireless remote control – for $58 each from B&H in NYC! Robust and throw away cheap compared to OEM speed lights by a factor of 8 or 9! Killer good for head shots and a whole bunch of other stuff

So teaching a lighting class at the Clayton Community Center one evening, a newly purchased YN-560 III suffered an infantile failure in the hands of a student. I assured her, it was something that happens with electronics and next day, logged on to order a replacement. And the $58 price was now $85! Confused, I asked the Google to explain and the answer was a new Tariff.

Which explains why I decided yesterday to buy, probably my last camera, from B&H in NYC, ahead of the 25% Tariffs announced, today on goods from Japan. Yeah, another $550 for I have no idea what would’ve been a deal breaker.

For Want of a Nail – Reversed

Itty-bitty succulent in a pot for my patio, given by my neighbor & bestie who went off to family for the holiday. Which set the wheels turning!

Can’t just put it out on the concrete where who knows what will happen! So stop & shop at local Habitat for Humanity. Found perfect, taller than a bunny stand. Plus, a Fern Stand, to mitigate a lie to my Bestie about leaving my Boston Ferns to die in future winter frost. Bought both and broke a foot off the fern stand on the way out. Which meant at stop at local ACE Hardware for Titebond Wood Glue. Plus a bag of potting mix and and 30% off ceramic pot. Where I had to help the young man at the counter calculate the non-bar coded discount.

So staring at the itty-bitty succulent this morning, realized my living room needed a serious reorg. And I did – with planned accommodation to over winter two Boston Ferns. Old Man Sunday.

Peel Out!

The New York Times (yes, I have a subscription) recently ran a reader poll about the best movies of this 21st century. I have, not a clue. Being old, my list is of the 20th century. “American Graffitti” is way high up on my list.

And early yesterday, while listening to the incredible music CD, my bestie and young neighbor surrendered to her dog dragging her to my door where treats are expected, while loading her car to head to her folks place for the holiday. So I dog sat, literally, on the floor, listening to early 6o’s music, while dog, post treats, was receiving her snuggles and Reiki massage. And just as the Boss Lady opened the door to retrieve her, I was, along with my CD Player, in full voice “Goodnight Sweetheart, Its Time To Go” (The Platters 1960) . But that’s not what this is about.

Found a DVD copy of the movie at Goodwill, autographed by the actress Candace Clark aka “Debbie”! He did peel out and they had a bitchin time! It’s on the way!

The Cost of Freedom

On this day of Declaring Independence, the cost is sobering. Every warrior, in some fashion, makes a decision to kill an enemy. There is no victory in killing. Necessary to preserve human liberty -yes. Victorious and celebratory – no. Hard on the soul.

50+ years ago, in the Missile Control Center of a Lafayette Class Fleet Ballistic Missile Submarine, I was fully responsible for putting “Birds” on target. Cautious of my Top Secret Clearance, I wondered about, what my targets were. We received regular, encrypted high altitude weather messages so as to refine the launch equation. In lower levels ops, outside my “Office” was a world map on the bulkhead. And I would look at the lat & long coordinates. And I knew that I would be responsible for incinerating some millions of innocent humans.

“Mutually Assured Destruction” may be necessary. But the cost to the soul is incalculable. Even 50+ years on. The Submariners currently on Patrol will, as I have in my dotage, meet that understanding.

Thursday Night Opera

Tonight, 3 July 2025, is Don Giaovanni on WCPE. Long ago, after teaching a Photography Class at Page Walker Arts & History Center, I listened to Thursday Night Opera on my drive home. Usually, understand not a word.

Soprano Lora Fabio – Page Walker Arts & History Center, 24 November 2013

Yet, it was a comfort. A connection to humanity. Across generations and centuries. And once, at a Winter Concert at Page Walker, ostensibly making photographs for Cary Citizen, after I thought I had the story, put down my camera and – I didn’t know a human voice could do that. Later, unable to speak – she understood. I was jelly. “Song To The Moon” from Rusalka by Dvorak – oh my.

Sundays – Stories

My Weapons Officer aboard USS Andrew Jackson was far and away, the best Officer I ever served. Lt. Roger Kline jumped into an open Missile Hatch while we were loading Birds in Rota as I was exercising my right to bitch about – everything. Spread eagled in an open Missile Hatch, he looked at me and said “Meyer, I’m not fucking this horse, I’m just holding it for a friend”. Later, I learned he was CO of an SSN in ComSubPac. And an NJROTC Instructor in South Carolina. We made “Sand Women”on the beach in St Croix after a 79+ day Patrol, including a high speed transit from the Med. We were all, drunk. And handling Line 1 on departure, I saw him grinning atop the sail as he had the conn – shit faced and still more competent that the rest of the Ward Room.

USS Andrew Jackson SSB(N) 619 – U.S. Navy Photo

Sundays – Jazz

Recorded in 1955 & 1956, released in 1957. A MUST have! Disclaimer: If your sweetheart opens up a Christmas Gift and finds her Passport and a Paris Guide Book and you share dinner in Paris on Valentines Day, there is NO WAY to top that. And it’s okay! Bogey was right when he told Ilsa, “We’ll always have Paris”. Always.

“Chatty Cathy”

1960’s popular culture reference – my explanation at the last Cary Photographic Artists Meeting where I socialized with age appropriate (aka grey hairs). Yeah, my string got pulled. In a good way!

The Post Office delivered two CDs today from Goodwill Minneapolis. This was on one of them. And yes, I give a damn about my fellow man. Tres important! The more things change, the more they stay the same. Radio stations in 1967 refused to play due to the use of “Damn”. Imagine! Way before the current President.

Shoo!

Heard my upstairs neighbor empathically say, through blessedly open screens to fresh air after a rain cooled off the unrelenting heat of the week! She is rightfully resentful of Rabbits munching her plantings. They are gastronomically cheeky, as a lady a few apartments down, feeds them.

And having been self embarrassed at previously missing a photo opportunity by having to dive into my camera bag to find a lens, mount it and check the battery and memory card, I’ve left a ready camera near my door. Disclaimer: I tossed a piece of celery leaf from my dinner outside. It was left, ignored – I was had! And the missing piece of ear -not easy being a Rabbit! Still, we both agree on Billy Holiday.

“Faith and Begorrah”

This afternoon, I finished a fresh edit of “Nunsense”, a 2013 Cary Players production of the musical. It is near the end of all the plays I photographed for Cary Citizen. And I plan to give the finished archive to Cary Players, gratis. But that’s not what this is about. It’s about declaring spiritual free agency.

Primarily, I believe, due to cultural family inertia, I was sent to 1st Grade at a Catholic Elementary School. At that age, you believe the grown-ups, especially in 1956. Eventually I got my Catholic religious ticket punched with 1st Communion, complete with a blue suit and a big family party that funded a new bicycle! And later, Confirmation, where you’re supposed to be old enough to choose – as if I had a choice.

In about a month, I’ll be 75. And I vividly remember being hauled from the asphalt playground to meet Sister Mary Edward of the Order of The Sacred Heart. Drug dealers wish their bull dogs looked that mean. I was accused of being a “bully”, having been seen swinging back at a real bully and defending myself, like my TV Cowboy Heroes. So 2nd Grade me was made to hold out my hands, palm up while Sister Mary Edward beat them with a varnished yardstick. It was real wrong and while I didn’t have the courage to declare my spiritual free agency until late in High School, I knew. I’ve been to churches of three different faiths this year for Choral Concerts. They were wonderful.

Aha Moment

Fifteen minutes before my turned off, 225 F oven, renders portions of slow cooker pork stew (seasoned neck bones, homemade stock and all the vegetables that needed using) to go on brown rice & millet in homemade veg stock, I’ve some time to write.

Best I can remember, I cycled through 13 or 14 DSLR’s between 2007 and now. There are, 500 or 600 K clicks later, a lot of stories. But today, duh, I realized all my work had to do with intimacy. With us humans. Even my OBX photographs are about, being alone, with clarity.

This is from one of my last portrait sessions. A young woman I’d known as a young Dancer. And I got to visit with her and her Mom and give them the prints they ordered. It answered the question of why, I made photographs.

Ain’t Misbehavin’

I do not remember how or where I found this CD. Probably pawing through a bargain bin. But if you’re hiding out in A/C from a heat dome and the insanity of world news, with room temperature Bourbon and a Harp Lager, it is Oasis.

And, there is a remastered CD of “April In Paris” on the way from Goodwill Minneapolis. One more time!

Lady Day

There are some CDs’s you must have. This is one – “Billie Holiday – First Issue Great American Songbook”. And Carmen McRae “Alone, Live at The Dug”. And Etta Jones “Don’t Go to Strangers”. And Count Basie “April In Paris”. And Diana Krall “LIve in Paris”. Okay – there is a LOT more. Spiritual sunshine.

What Really Matters

Late today, in dangerous heat, I watched a U-Haul Truck unload into an empty apartment in my building. While I was tending the Clam Sauce for my Linguini. In comfortable air conditioning. A vivid reminder of life changes.

Stopped working in the Fall of 2022. And now, luxurious with time, seeing it again. School holidays were Golden Time for me. I could move a ton of lighting gear into studio for a week and schedule dancer sessions. The Artist & Dad genes in me kicked in. I was, chest beating proud of them all. Her folks know!

Studio Session, Cary Ballet Conservatory – 27 Dec 2019

Cognition

The news today included a strike by Employees of the Louvre. 45 years ago, newly discharged from the U.S.N, luck found me attending a large group (required for Ed. Majors) lecture class at the College of Charleston. The Prof was Tony Jansen . I was young and full of my salty sailor self and stupidly blew off his insight and brilliance. I was making Art, he was just talking about it! ‘Cept he knew and studied and thought a helluva lot more than I had.

And even then, the “Mona Lisa” at the Louvre had gone beyond iconic. I think it was 2007, first visit and it was a mob. Good luck actually being able to see the painting. Today, with selfies, pointless and intolerable. I do recommend the Musee D’Orsay, Wed. mornings and a Visite Pass. You’ll have about 20 minutes on the fifth floor before the selfie crowd.

Almost, Summer

Summer Solstice starts this Friday evening. Here in North Carolina, it’s been been July muggy heat, early. Saw my first Eastern Tiger Swallowtail on my Viburnum. Missed making it’s photograph mostly due to my inactivity (aka lazy old guy photographer).

Redeemed my professional embarrassment with a Bee. And today, a young Cottontail who took leisure ‘neath the shade of my Apt. Complex Landscaper Protected aforesaid Viburnum. Doves, Towhees, Chipping Sparrows – way more entertaining than any streaming service or social media app.

Reflections

This is not AI or Photoshop. Made this image of Yates Mill Pond in Nov. of 2024. It’s simply the Mill, reflected in the pond, from an observation deck opposite.

When I was making this photograph, test driving some new to me gear and working on finding my balance as a newly relocated widower, I fell into conversation with a young man sitting on a bench there. He was a young man. Younger than my sons. And regardless of my “I’m just an old guy photographer schtick”, it didn’t take long to realize he was trying to find solace from family conflict, driven by their inability to comprehend his experience of war.

So, my Dad gene kicked in and I listened. Which is, as I explained to my very young neighbor today, just the same as the woman at BJ’s Warehouse who checked me out today and lost her husband one month ago – after taking care of him with Parkinson’s and working full time. And we talked about losing a spouse. But mostly, I listened. It was, for both of us, hard reflection. And solace.

The Old Man

Recently, curating the photographs I made of the Cary Players productions for Cary Citizen, I got to thinking about this play’s author, Jean Shepherd. And the “Old Man”.

My father, my “Old Man”, disagreed violently with me, about a lot. Race was a biggie. But his ethics were impeccable.

So when he came home after a day on a hot, concrete shop floor to learn that I’d had my older brother’s Benjamin Air Rifle (previous Christmas present) confiscated by the City of Brooklyn (Ohio) Police Dept., it was not a surprise to be put in the family car after supper, to drive to Brooklyn City Hall & Police Sept..

There was a Police Sergeant at the desk . My father explained while he was there, with me behind him. The Old Man asked one question -“Did he do anything wrong?” No answered the Sergeant, but an old lady called in, concerned.

The Old Man said “Give me the BB Gun.” And it was retrieved. And we went home. And I felt safe. Like Red Ryder.