Me, after 3 full afternoons of self teaching open source software LibreOffice (Open Office support stopped years ago) and Scribus. I’m too cheap to use MS Word or InDesign and I don’t want to be locked into Blurb. I’ve no need for Ingram Sparks. No more LLC, Biz Bank account, Sales or Income Tax Returns – ain’t looking for money or Barnes & Nobles sales. And want nothing to do with anything even remotely related to Jeff Bezos. So maybe a few family gifts and a vanity ISBN number or two!
Me, discovering that to write and publish some books I have in mind, stuff I may need to learn: Atticus, BookWright, LibreOffice. Maybe InDesign!
Working on a book today, having time to think about and savor the good fortune I had and my very favorite folks to work with as a photographer.
Click images for full size
Halfway done reading reading “George Hurrells Hollywood” by Mark Viera. My lighting epiphany from “The Muse” led me to the work of George Hurrell. And within a year, I had found Mole-Richardson Tungsten Fresnel Lights on eBay. Made this in August of 2014.
Senior Portrait Session at Cary Ballet Conservatory – August 2014
Studio Setup Below
A rare Roku streaming evening from PBS tonight, watched a 40 year old documentary, benefit of my modest monthly contribution. And I thought about my maternal Grand Parents who saw her on their way to Ellis Island. And it triggered thoughts of the sonnet by Emma Lazurus inscribed in it’s New York harbor pedestal:
“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”
I wish it were still so. And am ashamed of our nations current immigration policy. My hunch is, our nation will course correct next November. We are still free to do so. Liberty.
1/16th scale version by Auguste Bartholdi at Musée d’Orsay- Sept 2016
She showed up today, to shake me out of my summer ennui. Finished a project I started last Spring, for a Dancer I’ve photographed and admired for a decade. And she helped me anew, re-start the draft of a book (s). And hiding out in the A/C from this ugly summer heat and humidity, even motivated me to get back to my Rowing Machine. Back in the groove!
Driving through and listening today to storms that build from summer heat. This from 2009. Had taught myself Manual Exposure (it isn’t rocket surgery). Started carrying a camera to work. This is an afternoon inbound flight to RDU, seen from from the Lenovo Parking Lot in Perimeter Park. About 8 months before I was finally unable to bridge the cultural gap between mainland Chinese managers and Moi. 2,000 years of Chinese Civil Service history and an ex-U.S.N. Submariner simply couldn’t c0-exist – at all.
This 16 year old image visited me today, about sun rise. Sleep has been elusive. And I finally slept, all through the day. There may be room in my “Permanent Gallery”.
“Far from the madding crowd’s ignoble strife” – Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard By Thomas Gray 1751
Hatteras Sunrise – Outer Banks, North Carolina
Making Art is hard. Recorded this image in April of 2012. Finally figured out how to “see” it, last week. FedEx delivered today from my printer. The last of my “Permanent Gallery” aka my apt living room walls. Not what the camera saw, what I saw. Yes, photographers can be artists. I am one.
Sunflowers are in bloom at Dix Park, Raleigh. Long ago, saw these on Saturday shopping & made this photograph. Echos of Van Gogh. And a sunny Boss Lady.
Raleigh State Farmers Market – August 2014
Made this photograph 4 July’s ago, the summer before I retired. In a building that is now a bank and a lifetime past for a very young dancer. Peeking at the school’s Facebook page, I learned she was recently awarded a scholarship but they had no photograph. She was, the second time “The Muse” appeared to me. And you just know, you know?
Cary Ballet Conservatory Summer Intensive – July 2022
Residual to my IBM PC Company/Lenovo 11 or so years as an I/T Architect (hired as an “Experienced Professional” sans Degree), I still have a Google Voice DiD Telephone Number and IMAP e-mail accounts that I access via “Thunderbird”.
The Google Voice number became my “Brooke Meyer Photography” business number with a PolyCom handset on my desk attached to an Ethernet Switch attached to my router. Also, setup for “distinct ring” as a second line on home phone OOMA network. And of course, support went away for the Polycom. As did Google’s forwarding of SMS texts to another DiD. But that’s not what this is about.
Musée d’Orsay 2016
Google did preserve the forwarding of Voice Call Notification and Text Messages to my Gmail account! I detest “SmartPhone” itty-bitty screens and soft key boards (Ancient Flatulent aka Old Fart). My daily driver is a lightweight, $149 Chromebook with 15″ screen, full keyboard and all day battery life, I get SMS Texts to my e-Mail. And can respond, from the Gmail app! Tres convenient!
Text today from my recently moved adoptive granddaughter/dog rescuer/soprano/teacher/recipe sharer who is visiting NYC this week. From MoMA. A photograph made with her, what else, phone. And I responded with my version from Paris in 2016 and explained the Degas wax original is in the National Gallery of Art in D.C.. The young lady visiting New York renews my hope in humanity.
Started a book a year ago. And then, procrastinated. Today, the literary dam finally broke and I was submerged in the torrents of “Atticus”, “Bookwright”, DocX and PDFs. Too hot to go outside, so format and write, I will. “Maybe”, as Shirley Horn sang, “September”.
Waterfall, Bute Inlet B.C. – Aboard M.V. Aurora Explorer – 3 Sept 2009
The Viburnum by my apt. window is reaching full bloom. I trim it by hand, protected from the weekly “Landscaping Crew” and their “Two-Cycle Symphony”. Its density provides nesting for Chipping Sparrows and shade relief for Rabbits. Bees discovered it week ago. Today, hiding out “a la Paris”, from heat & humidity due to an errant Jet Stream, while enjoying a libation, had a visitor, an Eastern Tiger Swallowtail. Feeding, “She” (Blue Spots on Tail) , allowed me time to fetch a camera and my favorite portrait lens.
Working on a retrospective for a dancer, digging through a decade of programs, the light bulb went on!
These two images are 20 x 16 full bleed prints, Fuji Deep Matte Paper on Standout Mounts in Nielsen Float Frames hanging in my apt. living room gallery.
October 2010 at Cary Ballet Conservatory and December 2010 at Meredith College, Jones Auditorium. Finally realized the two young dancers and friends in the middle of the first image are the same two on the right of the second image. Vitamins for an old, world weary heart. The best of us.
My previous post was written with the idea of “Ruminant” as “chewing cud” or mulling something over. Had no idea I was, AI wrong: “Rumination is the act of endlessly replaying or dwelling on negative thoughts without reaching a resolution
Nah. It’s thinking – which AI never does. Wonder how it defines “mull”? Or ponder? Or Wish List?
It is a great luxury to be disassociated from modern manic madness: Amazon, Anthropic, Apple, Cable TV, Chat GPT, Door Dash, Facebook, Google Gemini, Instacart, Instagram, LinkedIn, Lyft, Meta, Open AI, SpaceX, Tik Tok, Uber (weekly phishing scams) and WhatsApp – nah.
My “I’ve had it with I/T” post IBM PC-Lenovo merger decision to take early Social Security has now achieved financial parity vs waiting for “full retirement age”. And gave me and my sweet heart most of a decade we wouldn’t have had together. And Paris.
Mac aka Melanchetes “MacGyver” AKC CGC
Got a roof, rack, good chow and peace. No dental or medical or money issues. Full frig, freezer and pantry. Balanced meal plans (old guys can cook). Pile of TBR (To Be Read) books, good music, an I/T Pro’s low cost, robust Internet connection. A book to write and 12 years of photographs to curate without the time pressure of commerce. Mac knew.
Hiding out from record heat, needing no supplies and zero commitments, allows time for the Muse. This is in transit from my favorite Used Bookstore. Discovered his work in 2012. That summer, was an epiphany. This explained it- Kodak Essential Reference Guide for Filmmakers – Pages 135 to 140 – epiphany. And realized why I was home in the theater.
Cary Ballet Company Rehearsal, Cary Arts Center – 12 December 2012
My Weekend Plan
My apartment is on a East to West axis. Late afternoon sun back lights clouds on an azure sky. I never planned to make a photograph of cirrus clouds like I see today, but I did. On a country road in Belleau, France. For “Teufel Hunden”.
4,000 miles east of this beach is Normandy, France. 82 years ago, it bled.
A perfect open window last day of May and nightfall after a good supper brought a Fire Fly, flashing on my apartment patio. Wasn’t one of these!
Cary Ballet Conservatory “Rhythms of The Rain Forest” – 2 June 2012
Late 2021, the world was emerging from Covid. A new Widower, I hid out in work – like the fictional Quasimodo. It was good heart medication.
Cary Ballet Professional Training Program- Dec. 2021 Theater Preview
This Memorial Day weekend, through no plan at all, I read “D-Day” by Stephen Ambrose and “The Longest Day” by Cornelius Ryan. Without distraction, but for food and sleep. And thought about, memorials, I’ve visited. And my luck.
WWI: Aisne-Marne American Cemetery, Belleau, France
WWII: USS Yorktown CV-10, Charleston, South Carolina
(Renamed before launch to replace USS Yorktown CV-5 sunk at Midway)
WWII: Detail of WWII Memorial, Washington, D.C.
Vietnam War: “Three Soldiers” Washington, D.C.
“I mis-remembered the Island name. While waiting for my “Brand New” 2005 Silverado W/T to be serviced today, I remembered!
For no reason whatsoever, I was thinking about, long ago, stopping at a roadside stand for Boiled Peanuts on a two lane blacktop to Johns Island from Charleston.
Angel Oak – Dec. 2017
And a Paris Restaurant, on a side street, discovered while walking back from shopping at Marche Bastille.
Marche Bastille – Sept. 2017
Found the Boiled Peanuts last weekend at the Raleigh State Farmers Market (Not these Strawberries from May 0f 2014).
And maybe, I’ll find an excuse for dinner at a proper French Restaurant, in my Tar Heel home.
From Tour Montparnasse
For no reason whatsoever, I was thinking about, long ago, stopping at a roadside stand for Boiled Peanuts on a two lane blacktop to James Island from Charleston and a Paris Restaurant, on a side street, discovered while walking back from shopping at Marche Bastille. Found the Boiled Peanuts last weekend at the Raleigh State Farmers Market . And maybe, I’ll find an excuse for dinner at a proper French Restaurant, in my Tar Heel home.
The Blackball Car Ferry from Victoria Harbor, B.C. to Port Angeles, Washington lands you close to this National Park – which my Boss Lady knew about and I had no idea. She guided me in Seattle & Hawaii. Yes, back in 2009, at sea!
Hurricane Ridge, Olympic National Park, Washington -16 May 2008
Made this photograph long ago (27 Dec. 2010). Had just found my footing as a photographer. This corner at Academy & Chatham Streets is being converted from an automobile gas station & repair shop to a restaurant.
Catty-corner at the intersection, Ashworth’s Drug Store is being converted to the Once in a Blue Moon Bakery & Cafe.
The Town of Cary was my landing place in late 1998. New job, new house, fresh start. Today, I don’t need a GPS to get around. And just down the street from the above photography is La Farm Bakery, where I buy my daily bread – weekly! The only constant, is change. Yet, it still feels, like home.
Had one image accepted in the CPA 6th Annual “Digital” Juried Exhibition.
Kūhiō Beach Hula Mound , Waikīkī
As reported here before, I discovered that I’d never edited the rough photography gallery made at the 2018 Cary Ballet Conservatory 6 PM Sunday performance of the “Nutcracker”. Literally, unseen. My discovery was prompted when the wonderful Dancer and Actor who has performed as “Herr Drosselmeyer” in the Cary Ballet Company productions of the “The Nutcracker”, asked for some photographs. To show some folks who had never seen it. Retired as I am, I set off into archive land, thinking I could give him a well deserved chronology and evidence of his artistry, from my work of 2011 to 2021, in an afternoon or two. Not even close.
So here it is, finally! – The Lost Gallery: 6 PM Sunday, 2018 “Nutcracker”
It was a bit of photographic special. The last of a long week, had everything, let’s take some chances! Added a 1.5x Tele Convertor to my tripod mounted 100-300 F4 Zoom. So I was at 150 mm to 450 mm focal length – capable of making head shots from rear of theater. But high risk, including the loss of an aperture stop and narrower Depth of Field -lots of soft and out of focus images. Still had my 50-135 mm on the other body. 20% kept.
Almost finished printing & framing my living room gallery. Ordered this version from my printer today – 20″ x 16″, Fuji Deep Matte Paper on Standout Mount. Destined for one of the Neilsen 13 Float Frames I have on hand. I was never satisfied with my framed prints until I saw a Herb Ritts Exhibit at La MEP in Paris, 2016. And couldn’t “see” this image, until now.
Wildly different from the color version I posted here, in 2011. But much closer to the spirit of dancers in theater. Much closer to the magic.
Stage Rehearsal for “Anastasia” – Cary Ballet Conservatory, June 2011
A full afternoon waiting in an automobile service dept. offers free coffee and library-like quiet. Finished reading and looking at this today, a 1952 re-issue. Found a kindred artistic spirit. And belatedly discovered his foundation was a short walk from the vacation apt. we rented in Le Marais. My late Sweetheart would have chewed me out for highlighting passages and bending page corners – but it is, my book. And I found a communion of artistic spirit. My pile of notes for a book about the alchemy of the How and Why of photography making Art are nearly plagiarism. I was two when this was published. Some ideas are timeless and transcend technology.
Henri Cartier Bresson “The Decisive Moment”
This arrived today, none of which I needed but the price was irresistible. As was the possibility of making a portrait. Smaller than my Mole-Richardson gear that I sold on retirement. But maybe, a good fit for an apartment , to make a portrait of a young friend I greatly admire, a la the following image, made after my 2012 lighting epiphany.
Made this photograph in September of 2009, on the back end of a wonderful voyage aboard the Aurora Explorer. The car ferry from Victoria to Seattle, via the Strait of Juan de Fuca, allowed me to be topside, something ex-Submariners find, astonishing. Saw this on the stern quarter. Big Boat – 560 ft vs the 425 ft Lafayette Class Polaris Boomer I was aboard. They’re sailing for a “Nuclear Strategic Deterrent Patrol” aka “Making a hole in the water for a few months”. In 2026, they’re still on Patrol.
Ohio Class Fleet Ballistic Missile Submarine with USCG Escorts, outbound.
This is wildly ahead of the chronology of my Post Plan but:
A mid-April, windows open, 90 degree Saturday in North Carolina, with good Hefeweizen from Bavaria & Bourbon from Kentucky, listening to Bonnie Raitt’s “Nick of Time”. Deciding on the last prints I’ll order for my home gallery and an exhibit plan I’ll submit in mid summer. But that’s not what this is about.
Made this photograph on another Saturday, in Sept of 2016. Print arrived last week. I’ll frame tomorrow. That September afternoon, after wandering about Le Marais near our apt., we lounged a few hours at the cafe on the right. Shared a meal with my late sweetheart. It was, the very best of times.
Like a lot of others, we’d both made poor marital decisions, had child custody battles, witnessed the deaths of parents and got corporate downsized. And we struggled through two years of Stage 4 Cancer consequences. Yet, we’d found each other – “In the Nick of Time”. Arriving home in North Carolina, we decided the kitchen renovation could wait a year and revisited Paris, the next September. Which included the 5oth Anniversary Performance of Balanchine’s “Jewels” in a good box at the Palais Garnier, aka the Paris Opera House. Which the Paris Opera has announced for it’s next Season. I won’t attend because my love, to paraphrase Etta Jones, won’t be there.
“The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men often go awry”
The wonderful Dancer and Actor who has performed as “Herr Drosselmeyer” in the Cary Ballet Company productions of the “The Nutcracker”, recently asked me for some photographs to show some folks who had never seen it. Retired as I am, I set off into archive land, thinking I could give him a well deserved chronology and evidence of his artistry, from my work of 2011 to 2021.
Was going well until I discovered I’d never edited the rough gallery from the 6 PM Sunday performance in 2018. And it was a bit of photographic special. I do remember thinking, last show, I have everything, so let’s take some chances! Added a 1.5x Tele Convertor Lens to my tripod mounted Sigma 100-300 F4 Zoom. So now, I was at 150 mm to 450 mm focal length – capable of making head shots from rear of theater. But high risk, including the loss of an aperture stop and narrower Depth of Field, so lots of soft and out of focus images. Still had my 50-135 mm on the other body. And I’ve spent the last two afternoons winnowing down my mistakes. I forgot how much work this was. Stay tuned!
Mid May 2008, an airport rental car got us from Seattle to Vancouver, British Columbia, where I made my photography transition to Raw Image File format. My complete kit kit was a Pentax K10 DSLR and a Tamron 28-75 f2.8 lens.
Most Camera brands have a proprietary Raw file format: Pentax “PEF”, Nikon “NEF”, Canon “CR2”, etc.. Each require software specific to the Make & Model of camera. My Pentax camera also offered DNG aka Digital Negatives, an open standard, originally published by Adobe and which they tried to give away to a standards body. It was supported by the free software I had on my laptop, Google’s “Picasa”. So the day after leaving Seattle, I switched to DNGs and have used them exclusively ever since. It’s like cooking from scratch vs a TV Dinner.
My Sweetheart and Boss Lady showed me Vancouver, a place she knew. A Taxi took us to the wonderful Vancouver Aquarium at Stanley Park. Next day, a car ferry took us to Nanimao on Vancouver Island
Click images for full size.
2008 was a busy travel year. Tokyo in Feb., UK in Mar. and Seattle in May, to visit old friends of my Sweetheart & Boss Lady. I’d been commuting for business to Beijing and had a LOT of Air Miles, so RDU to SeaTac, in First, was a freebie. It was a place she wanted to show me.
Before our trip was completed, I changed my camera to record RAW images vs the JPEG default setting. These were the last JPEGs I ever captured. It was one more step on learning to take control of my work
Click images for full size.
Ansel Adams said “The Negative is the equivalent of the composer’s score, and the Print the performance.” The Digital Darkroom allows me the same tools as a Painter and the work process is pretty much the same, sans the odor of paint. Having real time to look through the 12 year catalog of my “scores”, aka “Digital Negatives”, I’m finally figuring out how to perform them.
Cary Ballet Rehearsal at Raleigh Memorial Auditorium – June 2017
This week has been acoustically interrupted by the young couple in the apartment behind me, moving out. Discovered via a neighbor that job issues dictated a move back to Texas. Lucky for them, it’s to Austin. I am Old Man Grateful to be able to stay where I belong. At peace and comfort. Yep, lucky!
Click images for full size
My Main or Key Light, above her on a Boom, didn’t fire. Wireless Triggers and Receivers are generally reliable. And I was a half count early on my shutter, before she was over her leg. Still, 5 years later, I find this wonderful young dancer transcendent of my shortcomings.
Studio Session at Cary Ballet Conservatory – June 2021
It was a lot warmer when I made this photograph (Squirrel Splooting). But much later in the year, when the Carolina Long Leaf Pines were not adding a thick, sticky layer of Yellow Pollen that caused me today, to surrender $15 to a Drive Thru Car Wash (a downside of apartment life without a garden hose connection). And aggravated my informally adopted Grand Daughters and a lot of other folks, Allergies. Good news is, a. Lower Utility Bill and b. Open window and door screens for ventilation with a gas range. Meanwhile, trees are having sex!
Dog sitting today triggered this post. It was good for both of us.
1999 and the breeder of our Labrador Retriever “Mac” had a “Puppy Cam” on a litter which I watched as I pretended to work from home for the IBM PC Company. And my Sweetheart and Boss Lady said “You want a second dog, quit smoking”. So “Mr. Two Pack A Day” quit. And we drove round trip from North Carolina to Ohio. And has since saved me six figure plus of dollars that literally, would go up in sm0ke. Saved my life. I owe him.
Melanchete’s “Rocky” AKC CGC – 26 Dec. 2010
Spent a good part of today with some accomplished young artists of the Cary Ballet Company, performing for the very young audience at a local Elementary School. And 14 years disappeared, remembering this photograph.
Side By Side Jazz Concert , Cary Arts Center – August 2012
My post retirement work as a photographer is pro bono and vitamins for an old heart. Last Thursday, I made photographs of about 125 2nd Grade Students, singing at their Spring Concert at a local Elementary School. Their teacher ( whose ability to wrangle 125 kids in a theater I cannot comprehend) is a neighbor, dear friend, dog rescuer, soprano and fortuitous confidant.
I have no Model Release or permission for the photographs I made – they are given on a USB drive to the school for the Moms & Dads. So I cannot show them here. I even blurred this image. Yep, had to work around an audience of camera phones. I can find five in this image, besides the one making a photograph of them. The photographs I made, with a tripod mounted camera and bazooka sized lens (and two other camera bodies with 28-75mm and 50-135mm lenses), I hope, will make Mama’s cry and kids grin. It may have been a freebie, but I came to work. 30 minutes of performance time worked out to about six hours of selection and edit. Not gonna “Phone” it in.
A photography neophyte, I had enthusiasm and no confidence to leave the camera on “M”. Fixed all, by year end. Stirling Castle, March 2008
Click images for full size.
The news today was of a massive fire here . Long ago, for a week, it was my daily commute start & finish while on a business trip. I cannot imagine the loss.
Click images for full size.
Glasgow Central Station, March 2008
A few months after returning “camera less” from Paris, I added a newly purchased DSLR to my laptop bag for a business trip to Japan. I’d bought a Pentax K10D and a Tamron 28-75mm, 2.8 Lens. I still have and use the lens. Still use Pentax bodies but I’ve proved the axiom “you date your cameras but marry your lenses”. It’s been on been on 12 or 13 DSLR bodies. Even replaced the rubber zoom and focus sleeves that I wore through.
Tokyo Tower, Feb 2008
I’d read the camera manual front to back but was still using “Picasa” and shooting JPEGs. That didn’t last long – within a year, I had a calibrated monitor, Wacom Digitizer Tablet, Photoshop and had switched the camera to DNG’s aka Raw. It was Step One of of my photography journey.
And before my flight left from Narita, my work Boss Lady told me we were okayed for travel to Scotland. So about 12 or 14 hours later, between flights at O’Hare in Chicago, I called my real Boss Lady and asked her if she would like to go to Scotland. And she said yes!
Our first non-business trip to Paris, made with a 3.2 MP Sony Cyber shot. The camera was obsolete but what I had. Days later, a skilled Paris pickpocket “liberated” it from my jacket, hung on a chair back while I went to the loo in a Bistro. Which post travel, triggered my justification to buy a replacement and the discovery that was the basis of my post-corporate photography career.
I owe him. Also proved the wisdom of daily downloads from camera to storage. He did get my Metro Sign photo. Bless his heart!
Tour Eiffel, Paris 2007
Clouds and a low Horizon position will make the Lunar Eclipse tomorrow almost impossible to see, from the Raleigh area. And it’s a couple of years until the next one!
Nearly a dozen years ago, it happened on a clear night. Lived behind a Golf Course. A short midnight walk with my tripod and I had an entire Fairway to myself. And no tree line to interfere, like the tall Pines that surrounded our home (and provided welcome shade in Carolina summers).
Wandering through galleries, thinking about entries for a Juried Exhibit – okay, insomnia. Realized I need to organize “Places I Remember” (thanks Paul McCartney).
Made this in Waikiki, late 2013. High end shopping district: Cartier, Chanel, Hermes, LV, et al. This store has since closed but I could not resist the pun.
I’ve been struggling on how to start curating 12 years of my roughly edited dance galleries – on playing for my Muse. Figure I’ve got about a decade or so left. That ought to be enough time. Could not resist the title (guessing at her age). Didn’t want to step on the Degas Sculpture Title.
Bravo Academy of Dance, Recital Rehearsal – Chapel Hill, N.C. 2017
As for Degas, I did try to get an introducton to make photographs at the Ballet School of the Opéra national de Paris. Having made friends with a retired dancer during a Master Class who I learned was connected there, I asked for an introduction. And she told me not to mention her name, she hadn’t gotten along at all, with a director at the school. C’est la vie, y’all!
Made these from the Observation Deck, way up high . Click images for full size
Gave some fellow grey hairs a presentation today at The Cary Senior Center. Went well but I was as nervous as blind cat in a dog pound!
Home, my informally adopted Granddaughter & Dumpster Puppy Rescuer & Elementary School Music Teacher & Soprano & Confidant stopped by ( okay dragged by now grown dog for treats) on a rare Feb. 70’s, screens open afternoon before the Dog Park. Told her how it went, 4 years after my last class, cleaning out the cobwebs. She smiled and said ‘Teaching is hard!”.
And I said it is and it’s also wonderful! And she smiled, again.
Deanna Seay and student – Cary Ballet Conservatory – 2011
Been overthinking a presentation this week to some fellow gray hairs about Lighting for Photography – in this case Table Top. Do it well, better numbers on eBay, something I know first hand!
Regardless of purpose, principles remain the same. And wandering around the Web-O-Sphere, found lots of noise and little understanding. And surfing some local Headshot Photographer offerings, was wildly underwhelmed. Everything looked flat. There ain’t no silver bullet, including “Nano Banana”.
This from my last Headshot Session in 2022. Made with obsolete Mole- Richardson Tungsten Fresnel’s, some flags, the Inverse Square Law and a young lady who renews my optimism for humanity.
Rare Carolina Ice & Snow necessarily caused hibernation. But the “Web-0-Sphere” knows no such limits. During last weeks weather events, received two paid offers that boosted my ego! Turned down one but accepted the other, Pro Bono. Bunch of gray hairs, like me!
Spent a full afternoon at my desk, thinking, editing and putting together a presentation appropriate for the audience. These were made before I had a literal truck load of fresnels, speed lights, mono lights and grip gear. Minimalist!
Between Paris and a kitchen reno, I had little choice but to attend an exhibit at Biltmore House in Asheville, by the Glass Artist Dale Chihuly. The Boss Lady was a ginormous fan, which explains a previous trip to Seattle Tacoma. Plus she visited with old friends. Click for full size
On the recovery side of a multi-day, nasty head cold, prepping the dinner I’d planned two days ago and gratefully dog sitting for a young neighbor whose weekend will be embedded with the wedding of a lifelong friend, got back to this:
And discovered the work of photographer Toyo Miyatake. He was born in 1895, in Shizuoka Prefecture, Japan, a place I spent a brief time in, for work.
A naturalized US Citizen, he and his family and 80,000 native born American Citizens were taken from their homes, with what they could carry in suitcases and locked up in essentially, prison camps, like “Manzanar”.
Which I think, echoes the current persecution of Somali American native born citizens. And this book is inbound: Seen And Unseen.
Finished the 2026 I/T refresh today! Data backups, Telephony refresh, physical re-config of new office furniture, “New” refurbed laptop (replaced 2016 Fujitsu Lifebook hacked with Rufus for Win 11) and made USB Bootable Sysvol’s of Desktop and “New” Laptop! And a clear calendar for months- feels good!
Today, a young friend was kind to listen to an old man express loss, five years on. It released my fear of facing it. It’s been, as Dylan wrote “Too Personal A Tale”. And I found the courage to bring out her portrait. The best I ever made – of the worst client I ever had.
First week of this New Year had been an in-house I/T refresh. Data backups (N+3), Telephony refresh, Desktop physical configuration for new office furniture and an incoming “new” refurbed laptop to replace my 10 year Fujitsu Lifebook I hacked with Rufus so it would run Win 11. But that’s not what this is about.
This is what my studio shoots looked like when I had access to open hours at Cary Ballet Conservatory. The building, since sold, is now a Bank that I drove by today, after shopping Habitat, before shopping Target.
Walking into Habitat, I was greeted with a smile and hug from an ex-neighbor and customer. The Senior Portrait session of her youngest was my very last portrait session. The print is on her wall, with the others I made of his younger sisters, both of who suffered my fussiness in this building. And she also hired me for “Truck Day” at Bright Horizon Day Care Centers.
So what I’m starting to get ready to begin is thinking about and curating a dozen years of Digital Negatives (about 6 TB) and writing a book and leaving a family history for the next generation. I have the luxury of time without demands and the ability. It is, as good as it gets.
Arrived in the mail today, the companion volume to her 1966 MoMA retrospective exhibit. My Dorothea Lange bookshelf is nearing completion.
USPS brought this book today, the companion volume of the documentary DVD: “Grab A Hunk Of Lightning”. By late afternoon, it was annotated with Post-It notes – profusely! A kindred spirit but way tougher than I ever was.
USPS brought a DVD today: “Grab A Hunk Of Lightning”. The companion book & 1966 MoMA retrospective catalog are on their way. She was the best of us.
On the first day of this New Year, I kept self promises – included making an unvarnished and sustainable budget. And finally, back on my Rowing Machine. Felt good! There is great utility in making the equivalent of a U.S.N. Submarine “Plan Of The Day”.
Killer good meal ready soon and I want for nothing. And the memory of my Sweetheart sustains. I wish y’all a good New Year.
I agreed to make photographs for a Cary Ballet Calendar. After two pickup truck loads of gear and three hours of load in and setup, I was ready!
Click each image for full size
I wrote last January, 2025:
Post retirement (old guy) reflection on my work as a photographer, created an itch I’ve been scratching, to curate and show the result of a dozen years. Still early on and skimpy. May take a year or so: http://www.brookemeyer.com
Almost January 2026: Nah! It’ll take a LOT longer! Just imagine, an endless supply of paper and crayons with no Bell Schedule! Can spend hours reading about Lady Day and Dorthea Lange! After 75 years of perpetual motion, time to savor my great good luck.
And I think Kurt Vonnegut had it right: “The moral of the story is, we’re here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And what the computer people don’t realize — or they don’t care — is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And we’re not supposed to dance at all anymore.”
Photographer & Clients at “Picture Days” 2016
Bravo Academy of Dance – Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Like “Mac”, I find sleep and comfort irresistible. And good food . I made all of his. No convenient bagged junk. Real Chow: Half can of Salmon with a shot of Olive Oil in AM (and Cosamin DS for bad joints, same as I still take to not need knee surgery) split with our attitude Lab, “Rocky”. PM, Bone In Raw Chicken Wings. Later, as he and Rocky got older, ground up raw Chickens, cooked Rice, Collards and Sweet Taters.
Saturdays, a “Trotter” on the deck, from Nahunta Pork Center at the Raleigh Farmers Market – which got disappeared in 45 minutes! Never had to have their teeth cleaned.
Disclaimer: I once wrote to a young lady from a Navy Training School who later told me my letters were complex and hard to read – she was right).
We both aged to relish and enjoy quietude. This is almost, a self portrait. We both got grey muzzles. And shared a deep love of our missus, whose side he would not leave in her illness. As she would not leave his. The hard part of love is good bye. Eventually, account balance is zero, with no credit line. So it goes.
This was a favorite of my late Sweetheart -she insisted on the framed print above our fireplace, each Christmas. Later, I had the good fortune to gift it to Santa and Mrs Claus!
26 December 2010- The trains still run. Else, new names and owners.
Watching the Cary Ballet Company “Nutcracker” last night was wonderful.
I didn’t know it then, but this photograph from 2021 would be the last I would make, after a dozen years of CBC productions. It was inevitable. As Chaucer wrote in 1395: “Time and tide wait for no man.” Decided the next fall, without regret, it was time to retire.
Cary Ballet “Nutcracker” Final Bow | Cary Arts Center | 19 Dec 2021
The extraordinary performance I saw last evening was deeply life affirming. Being part of that, lasts forever. About as long as it will take me to really curate about 5 TB of Digital Negatives! The luxury of time & absence of needing to earn is a new kind of freedom that I fully embrace. Like the hugs I got last night.
Last week, driving by the spectacular Town Hall and Academy Street Christmas displays, the child in me, marveled! The old man in me, finds peace and comfort in the simplicity and elegance of 15 years ago.
Ambassador Loop Lamp Post| Cary Town Hall Campus | 26 Dec 2010
Page-Walker Arts & History Center started life as a railroad hotel next to still used train tracks. So I occasionally had to pause teaching Thursday night Photography Classes on the second floor, while Trains rumbled by with their warning horns. Freight and Passenger!
Page-Walker Arts and History Center | Cary Town Hall Campus | 26 Dec 2010
I had Downtown Cary all to myself – except for this rowdy bunch!
“Join The Parade” by Jane A. Rankin | Cary Town Hall Campus | 26 Dec 2010
Early last evening, I went to the Cary Photographic Artists Holiday Party at the Herb C Young Community Center in Cary.
Got waylaid by a bunch of Labrador Retrievers on the way in. Sent my heart into overload. Never did find out what the meetup was for but – oh my.
Christmas Day through the 26th of 2010, it snowed in Cary, North Carolina. Rare event. Beginning with my two Labs, I made photographs of our “White Christmas”. Spent the next day making photographs in Downtown Cary. Which looked a LOT different tonight, driving down Academy Street.
But this is really about two dogs whose ashes I’ve kept to go to sea with mine: Melanchete’s MacGyver AKC CGC & Melanchete’s Rocky AKC CGC.
Santa with Singing Pirate
Heart of Cary Association “Winterfest” – 6 Dec. 2015
Heart of Cary Association “Winterfest” – 5 Dec. 2015
Heart of Cary Association “Winterfest” – 1 Dec. 2012
Heart of Cary Association “Winterfest” – 7 Dec. 2013
3 Dec 2011, I expected to visit the North Carolina Museum of Art with timed Tickets to a Van Gogh Exhibit at the North Carolina Museum of Art with the company of dear friends and house guests, visiting from Toronto. Phone rang: Lindsey Chester of “Cary Citizen”.
“Our photographer called out sick, can you come make photographs with Santa Claus?” I stalled, said I would call some folks I knew in Cary Photographic Artists. Did and got zero response. Sweetheart said, “Oh just go do it, we’ll be fine.” So I loaded my truck with what I thought I needed and headed to Downtown Cary. Courtesy of Joy & Dan Pike, found a pop up tent and chair in Chatham Street, in front of what was then Ashworth’s Drugstore.
Putting up a 9’x20′ Vinyl background I used for dancers in studio, wind was an issue. An energetic and diminutive lady in the next booth graciously lent me a roll of gaffer tape!
And until 2015, I made photographs of Santa for the Heart of Cary Association.
It was wonderful!
Watching the Ken Burns film tonight about the American Revolution, put me back in a Paris Vacation Apartment, in Marais, after an evening at the Opera for the 50th Anniversary of Balanchine’s Ballet “Jewels”. I was coincidentally reading David McCulloughs biography of “John Adams”. This is an excerpt from Abigail Adams letter of 20 Feb. 1785:
My Dear Sister,
The first dance which I saw upon the Stage shoked me, the Dress’es and Beauty of the performers was enchanting, but no sooner did the Dance commence, than I felt my delicacy wounded, and I was ashamed to bee seen to look at them. Girls cloathd in the thinest Silk: and Gauze, with their peticoats short Springing two foot from the floor poising themselves in the air, with their feet flying, and as perfectly shewing their Garters and draws, as tho no peticoat had been worn, was a sight altogether new to me. Their motions are as light as air and as quick as lightning. They balance themselves to astonishment. No description can equal the reality.
They are daily trained to it from early infancy, at a Royal academy instituted for this purpose. You will very often see little creatures not more than 7 or 8 years old as undauntedly performing their parts as the eldest amongst them. Shall I speak a Truth and say that repeatedly seeing these Dances has worn of that disgust which I first felt, and that I see them now with pleasure. …. The art of dancing is carried to the highest degree of perfection that it is capable of; at the opera
I have Scarcly room left to say that I am Your affectionate sister
A.A
Sunday evenings tend to memory – favorites. This market, in walking distance from our vacation apartment, was a favorite place to shop, with my sweetheart. Way different than Harris-Teeter.
And I promise, walk along Rue De Rivoli with Leeks and a Baguette poking up from a shopping bag, dressed like Americans and a tourist will ask, in English, for directions.
I’d say, stifling a smirk, “Parlez vous francais?” And get an admonishing poke in the rib from my sweetie (who had no French at all, even my pathetic skill). “Yes”, she’d say, in English, “Where do you want to go?”
Marché Bastille, Paris – Sept 2016
In 2024, I moved back to Cary from the hinterland of an unincorporated part of Wake County, behind a Golf Course where my sweetheart & me snuggled in our last years together.
From 2011 and after downsizing in 2013 (I was burnt on I/T jobs) and before 2020 parted us by death, I made photographs for the now closed but still available publication “Cary Citizen”.
A legit Press Pass was my Magic Carpet to try and portray humanity. Here’s the evidence: Cary Citizen Archive – Brooke Meyer
Made this photograph in March of 2011. Was heading back to my truck after making photographs of the Cary Kite Festival at Bond Park. Dogwood Blossoms suspended above a Town of Cary trash can. A metaphor for today’s politics.
Journalism Photography was different from my work at Cary Ballet Conservatory. My Press & Fair & Parking Pass to the NC State Fair via Cary Citizen was to tell a story. I never made photographs to laugh at anyone. With, yes. At, no.
So seven years later, I still struggle with this image. The hat says “Navy” which as an ex Submariner, still really bothers me.
2018 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
Aboard USS Andrew Jackson SSBN 619, there was once a a crew member who ate so much during a two month patrol, he could not fit through a hatch to leave the ship. Literally, stuck aboard.
Solution was to: 1. Not feed him for a couple of of days 2. Strip him down to skivvies. 3. Oil him up (don’t remember if it was vegetable or Shell Tellus Hydraulic). 4. Put a few pounds of air pressure in AMR and pop him out out the hatch. He probably had a waistline north of 58″, triple the diameter of a 19″ hatch.
Not humorous. Not at all. Yep, he got out. Before stuck making another Patrol
Just like in 1863 Paris, when paintings by Gustave Courbet, Édouard Manet and Camille Pissarro were rejected by the Paris Salon, I again received the same from a Juried Photography Competition, sponsored by a local camera club. So in the tradition of the Salon des Refusés, here are my rejects.
Disclaimer: These prints are on my apartment living room wall and are NFS. It did get me out for the reception to visit and talk story. And flirt!
Circus
Psyche & Eros
iPointe
By December of of 2012, I’d found my artistic & spiritual home at Cary Ballet Conservatory. Especially in Theater.
Made this image on 12/12/12 at the Cary Arts Center. Didn’t realize she was my “Muse”. Stage Makeup and Street Clothes. Later, home at my desk, after downloading and backing up the photographs I’d made at rehearsal, I stared at this, with my Bourbon & Beer and realized :
Spent the next summer learning. Found the work of George Hurrell, another Painter turned Photographer. And Yousuf Karsh, whose work changed after he became involved with an actress and discovered theater lighting. And found my Lighting Bible – for free (Pages 135 through 140)!
And I spent the next 10 years trying to get it right. Haunted eBay:
Mole – Richardson Tungsten Fresnels
And found young dancers who were willing to let me try to make their portraits.
2018 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
2016 North Carolina State Fair – Click above for full size
The North Carolina State Fair, besides rides and crazy foods (delicious fun), is essentially about farming. A hard, uncertain life. My Fair & Press Credential permitted access to the barns behind the Show Rings. I was careful to be respectful. Click images for full size.
2015 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
Ouch, the traffic! But when you FINALLY get there! Click images for full size.
2016 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
Not News: “Traffic worries driving some crazy as NC State Fair begins – WRAL”
This is news: “Food Vendors not returning to the NC State Fair – Raleigh N&O”.
Photographed for Cary Citizen
2015 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
And vitamins for an old heart – Click image for full size
2015 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
Click Link For Photo Galleries of the 2010 -2014 North Carolina State Fairs
Photographed for Cary Citizen
2015 – 2019 Coming Soon!
2014 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
2013 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
After two side trips, wandering about my local Barnes&Nobles bookstore and handling, twice, a plastic wrapped copy of “The Americans” by Robert Frank, I went home and discovered the Wake County Library didn’t have it. So I surfed my favorite book store, Goodwill Books . Us down sized Widowers know what old folks get rid of!
Found a copy near me, in Gastonia, North Carolina. Ordered and it arrived today. It is, extraordinary. And highly recommended.
Some husbands carry the Baby and get Directions (the smart ones).
2012 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
Next year, we’ll get the Blue Ribbon!
2012 North Carolina State Fair
Cargo Helicopter – Campbell River, Vancouver Island, B. C. – Sept 2009
“Blue Hour” isn’t an an hour. It’s 15 or 20 minutes of Twilight. In mornings, before Sunrise. Or Evenings, after Sunset. And borderline magical.
Yep, I’d consulted the almanac. And watched my watch. And wrist compass.
2011 North Carolina State Fair – Photographed for Cary Citizen
The news this week reminded me of an embarrassing incident I caused as a photographer, so focused on the image, the ride was was stopped!
The 2016 North Carolina State Fair featured a new “SkyRide” transporting visitors high across the Fair. Fascinated, I used my Fair & Press credentials to talk myself into the passenger loading area. Solely focused (no pun) on making a dramatic image, I (innocently and ignorantly) backed my butt up to the “Emergency Stop”. And it worked! And I got highly disapproving looks from the folks working the ride. Sheepishly, I slinked away.
So watching the video of a videographer riding an escalator backwards, ahead of the President & First Lady – yeah, no way he’s going to ‘fess up to the butt stop.
My first attempt at a High School Senior Portrait Session was 13 years ago. I’d made Prom Pictures in a neighbors home and was recommended to another neighbor. It was also about a half year before my lighting “Epiphany” and subsequent truckloads of gear. So outdoor ambient light it was.
After okay (and way better than Life Touch Prestige) sessions in the garden of Page Walker Arts & History Center (which I discovered later was illegal as I was being paid and did not have a Permit) and Raulston Arboretum (where it’s legal if you don’t interfere with Visitors or damage the horticulture), I suggested a visit to the North Carolina Museum of Art.
Rodin Garden at North Carolina Museum of Art – June 2012
Confession: I’m a a failed B.F.A. Major and Rodin fan. I’ve made multiple, full afternoon visits to Musée Rodin in Paris and spent quality time with the large scale marble sculptures on the mezzanine of the Musée d’Orsay. So I felt a kinship. And the young lady and her chaperone Mom agreed. And it planted the seed of an idea for my Illegal Sunday, 6 years later. And I bet if Auguste Rodin was still around and saw these, he’d grin.
The month before making this promo image for “Collabo”, a joint performance by the Ballet & Jazz Companies at Cary Ballet Conservatory, I discovered, while visiting the NCMA (North Carolina Museum of Art) Booth at Cary’s “Lazy Daze”, it would not be allowed. There were new rules against “commercial” photography. Being well versed in corporate inanity, I acted surprised, nodded and smiled, saying I certainly understood.
Having previously photographed performances by the non-profit Cary Ballet Conservatory at NCMA and me working pro-bono and content I was breaking no rules, I devised a work around. First, I didn’t tell anyone. Second, it was planned for a Sunday and I knew the NCMA Rep at Lazy Daze wouldn’t be there. Third, I deployed Dance Moms on the perimeter and nobody messes with Dance Moms – plus they were also VALS (Voice Activated Light Stands) and held a bunch of “speed lights” triggered from my camera.
There is a 24″ x 36″ framed print of this image on my living room wall. I would be willing to lend it to NCMA for display – Gratis! Seriously!
North Carolina Museum of Art – 23 Sept 2018
It’s hard to comprehend this was only four years ago. I was still a “Widower Novitiate”. Work provided balance. This studio session was with a stunning natural beauty and drop dead graceful, elegant dancer. Proof that the Great Spirit was in a really good mood when she was born. To work, to collaborate with such hard working artists was a great gift. I was very, very lucky.
Studio Session at Cary Ballet Conservatory – June 2021
The North Carolina State Fair begins next month, 16 to 26 October.
This gallery from 2009 was my first visit and I was overwhelmed. It is color and crowds and noise and crazy food and animals and rides and wonderful.
From 2010 to 2019, I had Press Credentials from the Fair & Cary Citizen! Which included a Parking Pass to the Vendor Lot at Carter Finley Stadium and a Shuttle to the Fair! Plus, before opening day, I would select two images from the previous Fair to enter into the Photography Competition. Winning “Best Fair Scene” in 2016 with a Ribbon and a Check, I think made me an Official “Tar Heel”!
Re-visiting those galleries is a project I hope to finish by the start of this year’s Fair. Meanwhile, here is my skimpy, amateur maiden voyage. Click each for full size
In 1863 Paris, paintings by Gustave Courbet, Édouard Manet and Camille Pissarro were rejected by the Paris Salon. Today, I received the same from an online Juried Digital photography competition, sponsored by a local camera club. So in the tradition of the Salon des Refusés, here are my rejects.
Dubious – “This Tap Dance Croc Rock thing doesn’t really work for me!”
Seen – “The guy with the long lens on a tripod – he looks legit.”
Tough – “Glamorous, my foot!
1947, T-Bone Walker wrote this lyric. My hearing of it is Eva Cassidy.
Today, this old carcass got out to the Cary Downtown Park to test drive some new gear. A monochrome only sensor (take that Bayer Filter!) and some colored filters traditionally used on B&W film. I was today, a novitiate.
Another gray hair did a presentation at Cary Photographic Artists and I hit that thing like a bass to a lure! Turns out, odd duck that I am, been using Pentax gear forever. So I already had the glass.
Weather turned from ugly to wonderful. So test drive today aka “play” with a monochrome only sensor and colored filters (it’s a physics / visible spectrum / traditional B&W film thing). Saturday, in the park. Click each for full size.
Halfway through a new edit of four (ok, five) photography sessions for an ex co-worker & /friend from my corporate days. Roughly a year before my exit/nearly fired by mainland China Managers, I’d been self teaching photography after a 2007 incident in Paris where a skilled pick pocket “liberated” an already obsolete Sony P&S from my jacket, hung on the back of a bistro chair while I went to the loo. But that’s not what this is about.
A trusting co-worker and horse owner bought into my photography enthusiasm! We set up a shoot session at the stable where she boarded her horse. It was my first introduction to:
A. The inexplicable bond between horses & women.
B. Discovering all Stable owners are crazy.
C. I had a LOT to learn about making photographs. A lot!
So with enthusiasm and naivete, we made some photographs. Which I was embarrassed by. So I asked for and got a d0-over. Looking at the photographs I made for her 3, 7 and 11 years later (different horses), I can see the difference made by the experience of a wearing out s bunch of camera bodies and maybe 6oo to 700 K clicks. How to get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice!
Today, finished editing and posting (including a play I mis”played”) all the dress rehearsals of Cary Player production I photographed for Cary Citizen between 2011 and 2016! Online galleries are here, just click on the name: Cary Players Galleries.
And 2016 was, “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever!
Dress Rehearsal – Cary Arts Center – 28 November 2016
When sleep is elusive. For and with a young dancer dealing with the reality and economics of making art. We both were.
Studio Session at Cary Ballet Conservatory – May 2018
Weather Forecast: Good news – tomorrow is a cool down!
| Fri Jul 25 | 98° |
| Sat Jul 26 | 100° |
| Sun Jul 27 | 100° |
| Mon Jul 28 | 100° |
| Tue Jul 29 | 101° |
| Wed Jul 30 | 102°· |
Roughly 3 years ago. Still the same. The Mole-Richardson Tungsten Fresnel lights are long gone. Same as my Studio Space deal.
Today, shared untold Submariner stories with my young neighbor. Young lady personifies the best of us. And so it goes.
Somewhere around 2014, after downsizing to a Townhouse on the far east edge of Wake County, I attempted to put down roots in the local community – aka teaching photography classes for Town of Clayton Parks & Rec. Center. Got along well with the young lady in charge of programs. Which failed spectacularly when she was promoted and replaced with – I am not making this up – two men. But that’s not what this is about.
I’d discovered YN-560 III speed lights – fully manual, with built in radio receivers for wireless remote control – for $58 each from B&H in NYC! Robust and throw away cheap compared to OEM speed lights by a factor of 8 or 9! Killer good for head shots and a whole bunch of other stuff
So teaching a lighting class at the Clayton Community Center one evening, a newly purchased YN-560 III suffered an infantile failure in the hands of a student. I assured her, it was something that happens with electronics and next day, logged on to order a replacement. And the $58 price was now $85! Confused, I asked the Google to explain and the answer was a new Tariff.
Which explains why I decided yesterday to buy, probably my last camera, from B&H in NYC, ahead of the 25% Tariffs announced, today on goods from Japan. Yeah, another $550 for I have no idea what would’ve been a deal breaker.
Tonight, 3 July 2025, is Don Giaovanni on WCPE. Long ago, after teaching a Photography Class at Page Walker Arts & History Center, I listened to Thursday Night Opera on my drive home. Usually, understand not a word.
Soprano Lora Fabio – Page Walker Arts & History Center, 24 November 2013
Yet, it was a comfort. A connection to humanity. Across generations and centuries. And once, at a Winter Concert at Page Walker, ostensibly making photographs for Cary Citizen, after I thought I had the story, put down my camera and – I didn’t know a human voice could do that. Later, unable to speak – she understood. I was jelly. “Song To The Moon” from Rusalka by Dvorak – oh my.
Heard my upstairs neighbor empathically say, through blessedly open screens to fresh air after a rain cooled off the unrelenting heat of the week! She is rightfully resentful of Rabbits munching her plantings. They are gastronomically cheeky, as a lady a few apartments down, feeds them.
And having been self embarrassed at previously missing a photo opportunity by having to dive into my camera bag to find a lens, mount it and check the battery and memory card, I’ve left a ready camera near my door. Disclaimer: I tossed a piece of celery leaf from my dinner outside. It was left, ignored – I was had! And the missing piece of ear -not easy being a Rabbit! Still, we both agree on Billy Holiday.
This afternoon, I finished a fresh edit of “Nunsense”, a 2013 Cary Players production of the musical. It is near the end of all the plays I photographed for Cary Citizen. And I plan to give the finished archive to Cary Players, gratis. But that’s not what this is about. It’s about declaring spiritual free agency.
Primarily, I believe, due to cultural family inertia, I was sent to 1st Grade at a Catholic Elementary School. At that age, you believe the grown-ups, especially in 1956. Eventually I got my Catholic religious ticket punched with 1st Communion, complete with a blue suit and a big family party that funded a new bicycle! And later, Confirmation, where you’re supposed to be old enough to choose – as if I had a choice.
In about a month, I’ll be 75. And I vividly remember being hauled from the asphalt playground to meet Sister Mary Edward of the Order of The Sacred Heart. Drug dealers wish their bull dogs looked that mean. I was accused of being a “bully”, having been seen swinging back at a real bully and defending myself, like my TV Cowboy Heroes. So 2nd Grade me was made to hold out my hands, palm up while Sister Mary Edward beat them with a varnished yardstick. It was real wrong and while I didn’t have the courage to declare my spiritual free agency until late in High School, I knew. I’ve been to churches of three different faiths this year for Choral Concerts. They were wonderful.
Fifteen minutes before my turned off, 225 F oven, renders portions of slow cooker pork stew (seasoned neck bones, homemade stock and all the vegetables that needed using) to go on brown rice & millet in homemade veg stock, I’ve some time to write.
Best I can remember, I cycled through 13 or 14 DSLR’s between 2007 and now. There are, 500 or 600 K clicks later, a lot of stories. But today, duh, I realized all my work had to do with intimacy. With us humans. Even my OBX photographs are about, being alone, with clarity.
This is from one of my last portrait sessions. A young woman I’d known as a young Dancer. And I got to visit with her and her Mom and give them the prints they ordered. It answered the question of why, I made photographs.
This from 2012. Some images stay in memory. We visited and talked story. Child was a gift, unaccepted. For a moment, I was photographer and parent. Grown, she met her promise.
Late today, in dangerous heat, I watched a U-Haul Truck unload into an empty apartment in my building. While I was tending the Clam Sauce for my Linguini. In comfortable air conditioning. A vivid reminder of life changes.
Stopped working in the Fall of 2022. And now, luxurious with time, seeing it again. School holidays were Golden Time for me. I could move a ton of lighting gear into studio for a week and schedule dancer sessions. The Artist & Dad genes in me kicked in. I was, chest beating proud of them all. Her folks know!
Studio Session, Cary Ballet Conservatory – 27 Dec 2019
Studio Session with Willie Hinton at Cary Ballet Conservatory – 12 June 2021
It was, a collaboration of Dancer & Photographer, each using hard won skills & passion for making genuine Art. Makes life worth living.
Studio Session 23 August 2021 – Cary Ballet Conservatory
Summer Solstice starts this Friday evening. Here in North Carolina, it’s been been July muggy heat, early. Saw my first Eastern Tiger Swallowtail on my Viburnum. Missed making it’s photograph mostly due to my inactivity (aka lazy old guy photographer).
Redeemed my professional embarrassment with a Bee. And today, a young Cottontail who took leisure ‘neath the shade of my Apt. Complex Landscaper Protected aforesaid Viburnum. Doves, Towhees, Chipping Sparrows – way more entertaining than any streaming service or social media app.
This is not AI or Photoshop. Made this image of Yates Mill Pond in Nov. of 2024. It’s simply the Mill, reflected in the pond, from an observation deck opposite.
When I was making this photograph, test driving some new to me gear and working on finding my balance as a newly relocated widower, I fell into conversation with a young man sitting on a bench there. He was a young man. Younger than my sons. And regardless of my “I’m just an old guy photographer schtick”, it didn’t take long to realize he was trying to find solace from family conflict, driven by their inability to comprehend his experience of war.
So, my Dad gene kicked in and I listened. Which is, as I explained to my very young neighbor today, just the same as the woman at BJ’s Warehouse who checked me out today and lost her husband one month ago – after taking care of him with Parkinson’s and working full time. And we talked about losing a spouse. But mostly, I listened. It was, for both of us, hard reflection. And solace.
Sometimes, especially for old photographers, sleep is elusive. This, from almost exactly six years ago, was a child seeking refuge from Stage Fright. And the image has stayed in memory. I know exactly how she feels.
Cary Ballet Conservatory “Aspiring Dancers” 18 May 2019
Late in 2018, I decided to let go of film & medium format cameras. New digital versions were astronomically expensive and the film versions were costly, in money and time.
This photograph is from a last portrait session with a Pentax 645N Film Camera and Kodak Ektar film. Had the film processed and scanned the negatives myself. The process after that is just the same as a Digital Negative.
But that’s not what this is about. It’s about Art and Artists. Which explains the rolls of Ektar film in my frig., that fit my 1914 Kodak Autographic Junior & 1925 Kodak Brownie Model F.
Old guy, responsible me, has been mulling selling my post widower, post house sale purchased, 645 Digital Gear. Nah. The Muse Provides. I got plans.
Portrait Session at Cary Ballet Conservatory – May 2018
By now, I though I’d be further along, organizing and curating a dozen years of work at Cary Ballet Conservatory. The delay is mostly due to the luxury of quiet time and vivid memory. And reflection. An example is this photograph.
Eight years earlier, her Mom hired me to make photographs of her First Communion at the Church Altar. A new and agreeable Monsignor literally gave his blessing to me working during the Mass.
Cary Ballet Company: Space & Tech Rehearsal, 13 March 2019 – Cary Arts Center
One year later, nearly to the day after I made this photograph, there was another Space & Tech Rehearsal for the 2020 production – just days before COVID cancelled pretty much everything. And that Fall, I became a widower.
Things sort of got back to normal by late 2022 – but my “creative spirit” tank was on fumes and I retired.
Now my goal is to share what I learned about Craft and Art. Working on that!
Today, FedEx delivered a lens that I’ve spent six months searching for. Bought my first copy around 2010, just as it was discontinued by the mfr. Paid $1,400 then, a sum of intense discussion between my newly corporate laid off self and my late wife. But embarking on my encore career, I’d promised myself I’d never miss another photograph of an actor because I lacked the right gear. That it was a youth theater performance, was to me, irrelevant.
Sold it after she died, with a bunch of other gear, no longer used or needed by a retired photographer.
And then recently, volunteered to photograph, pro bono, some Elementary School events. Which caused me to look for a replacement that was, like a Hens’s Tooth, not to be found. So, bought some almost wannabe lenses that just didn’t resonate. And will be sold soon. Here’s the bittersweet part.
Covid changed everything. And caused an exciting, beautiful young dancer to return to Latin America. And unable to cope with his illness and crushed dreams, ended his life.
Made this photograph nearly 15 years ago, on a weekend. Hiding out from some of my late wife’s about to visit relatives.
North of Hatteras, found an off season, duck hunters motel in Manteo. Cheap. And like the song “Sheets so thin, I could see myself grin”. The National Seashore is open 24×7. 0430, fuel up with guys filling boats with ice and gas.
Later, got a pre-dawn, cursory glance from an ATV riding Park Ranger, patrolling the beach. My tripod explained my presence.
So I was left in peace. It is, in a way, a prayer.
And my plan is, in about 10 years or so, or whenever one of my vital parts hits its expiration date, my ashes will be scattered, about three miles east. In compliance with North Carolina State Law.
Which allows that maybe, 100 years from now, I could be a speck of a kids sand castle on Nag’s Head. And so it goes
This afternoon, nearly demanded an outdoor excursion, especially ahead of two days of forecast rain.
I visited what I consider a cathedral, the Wildflower Garden at Hemlock Bluffs Nature Reserve. A 19 year old lens and a beater camera body with 146K clicks on it. Old and worn, like me. Click an image for full size
Listening to the 1958 recording by Tony Bennett, sometimes, inhibits sleep. Maybe because of the Cole Porter lyric.
Or maybe, because of some photographs I made at Camp Lejeune. The day of a year long deployment to a far away land, of danger, long ago.
And I told a very young friend about it today. And I showed her these.
“Every time we say goodbye, I die a little”
“Every time we say goodbye, I wonder why a little”
“Why the Gods above me, who must be in the know
Think so little of me, they allow you to go”
“When you’re near, there’s such an air of spring about it
I can hear a lark somewhere begin to sing about it
There’s no love song finer
But how strange the change from major to minor
Every time we say goodbye”
When taking out the trash, a ready camera is always a good idea!
Wandering through my travel archives on a warm, windows open afternoon.
Worn out after food shopping, exercise and vacuuming, I parked my tired old body next to an open screen on a gorgeous day, after the landscape crew mowers & blowers were done, savoring Bourbon & Beer, while dinner warms.
And watched this Senior Citizen Rabbit cruise by and chow down on low hanging Holly Leaves in front of my apartment. And thought about how many times I read “Runaway Bunny”, long ago.
My young neighbor called out to get my camera – and I did.
Public Event – “Lazy Daze” 2012. For CaryCitizen.
Made this photograph about 14 years ago. Public event, shooting for CaryCitizen. And it has stayed in memory.
Made this photograph, 3 July 2011 – a Sunday. At the newly renovated and yet unopened, Cary Arts Center. There was a”Wet Paint” sign on the theater stage and I’m not sure if they had a CO (Certificate of Occupancy ) yet.
Didn’t know yet but I would spend a lot time there, working, until the Fall of 2022.
I do know that the adult male in the upper left, had just arrived from Belgium, with the rest of the Brussels Chamber Orchestra. The three young violinists were members of the Triangle Youth Symphony.
I don’t understand how anyone can read music and play it. Some sort of mysterious alchemy. Art, I finally realized, is my spirituality. It sustains me.
True story. Made this photograph in the “Annex” of the since sold & relocated Cary Ballet Conservatory. A Mom from the 3D Project Jazz Company left me a voice mail message (remember voice mail). Which I listened to on my laptop speakers in a Paris Apartment. Replied, we were flying home next day and yes, I could do a Sunday promo shoot.
No time to plan or rent gear.
Did have a 5 by 9 ft piece of black velour from Joann Fabrics. My late wife had sewn in rod pockets for hanging as a background. They’re laying on it.
Had one light up on a boom but was standing on a shaky piece of the lobby furniture while the Instructor, a big man named Yaqshaan Medan, was holding my belt & waist band, while I reached out over the very young dancers, with back button focus. And it worked!
Which explains why I entered it, this week, into a Digital Only Open Juried Photograph Completion.
That’s a lie – the real reason is, I have to remember to breathe when I look at it.
Beer, Brats & Wiener Dog Races! Online Gallery here.
“Big Something”, “Southern Culture On The Skids”, “B-52’s” and “Imagine Circus”. It was a party! Plus, a half million bucks for the less lucky. Good show!
I no longer live behind a golf course, my tripod on the empty expanse in the midnight, sky above the tree line. This week, a Lunar Eclipse will happen again. I’m pretty sure, it will look like this. Eugene Cernan, the last Man On The Moon, left his daughters initials, “TDC”, on it. Still there.
This was my second year covering the Cary Diwali Festival for Cary Citizen.
It was 20 October 2012. Families & Faces! Online Gallery here.
Diwali, also called Deepavali or Deepawali, is the Hindu festival of lights. It symbolizes the spiritual victory of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance. Photographed for Cary Citizen, 22 October 2011.
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